I’m stubborn by nurture, so guidance is tricky for me. I’ve never been one to just let anyone give me guidance. I’ve been wanting to speak on guidance for a long time now but I wasn’t quite ready to do so.. I wasn’t ready yet.
But I’m ready now.. Thanks to a spark of tweets, I’ve finally found out exactly how I feel about guidance.. And how to word it.
In life your parents/caretakers are your first encounter of guidance.. They shape how you accept or reject instructions from authority and in general. As you become old enough to take control of your own life, those in your circle and especially your significant other are your guidance. (And if you have any objections to that.. I suggest you find some new people to associate yourself with.)
Guidance is usually in reference to advice or direction from one in authority, and authority is the power you give those around you when you ask for advice. No matter how minuscule it may seem, seeking any advice or direction for your life choices and actions from someone other than yourself, is giving someone a great power. Think about it.
Now with great power comes great responsibility, are we all truly fit to guide others when many of us can barely guide ourselves? And in guidance, the many of us who step up to the plate, is it for the power? Or the person? How does one go about choosing guidance, recognizing guidance in its purest form and not the tainted puppet show most use guidance for? In the world we live in today, you just can’t ever be too sure.
The best person to guide you is you.. First and foremost. You know your intention and direction, you know your purpose. Now, good guidance never hurt anyone.. Hell, it’s needed for progression. None of us know it all, but combine what we all know and we’re unstoppable. But no matter what guidance you choose to follow make sure your guiding inner voice is at peace.. Always follow that one shall your inner guidance and outer guidance don’t match up.
Speaking of match up, what realllllyyyy sparked me to write about this was my personal life, with men.
Men are natural guidance counselors .. Always wanna lead the way, they don’t need direction, they create direction. Cool. It’s natural for men to feel this way… But many don’t even know the way. As a woman who very much loves man, I understand the role of the man in a positive, progressive relationship.. I also understand that many men in my era don’t have the slightest clue of that.. Let alone the role of a woman in a relationship like I mentioned. I’m not bashing men, I would never. But realistically many men aren’t at peace with themselves, or even know who they truly are.. So imagine letting one like that guide me? No.
I remember this man, he was older, very successful, decent looking but very arrogant. His arrogance turned me off because I saw right through him… He had all this success and I could see he was empty inside, but he wanted to impress me so his arrogance was obvious. Nothing we spoke of made me feel like he was this man he portrayed, yes the rewards of his labor were very real.. But who he was portraying to be, was not. Needless to say, I couldn’t hide my disinterest.. He told me, I needed guidance, that was my problem.. I’m young, I don’t know the way yet. I laughed told him he was probably right, but I’ll be okay.
I’m aware of the type of person I am, the type of woman I am. I never claim to not need guidance but I’m wise enough to know all guidance isn’t good guidance and some guidance will leave you lost. And I’ve seen women fall to demises so tragic because the man they chose to allow to take the lead, made a quick left and they haven’t seen him since.. All lost, no clue with what to do next.
I don’t like to be lost.
If a man doesn’t know where he’s going, how can he possibly show me where to go? I just don’t want to take that route.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of men that are in position to be the proper guidance in a relationship, but often, either they’re too caught up in what they’re building towards they just don’t seem to have the time to invest into a relationship (as with some women) or, the women they’re with block any guidance. And that’s not healthy.
Many women, including myself have been b(red) by society and parents to be more independent.. To be self-sufficient. Decades of horror stories of women who’ve been left.. weak and helpless cause their men were their guidance, they can’t see now.. It’s like a blind’s seeing eye dog running off leaving his owner in the middle of traffic. It’s tragic.
We now have the mentality as a majority, that I realized about my father at a young age.
Men can leave.
Now I don’t feel I have daddy issues.. Anymore. I’ve come to terms and peace with the one who I should’ve called father, but I won’t lie on how that realization shaped how I treat and deal with men.
I’m aware leaving is always a possibility.
Guidance or not.. If a man wants to leave, he will. Women are the only gender who stays when she wants to leave.. Hmmm I wonder why, maybe because the fear of being lost and alone with no guidance outweighs the unhappiness in their uncomfortable situation. Whereas with men, they create the direction. It’s nothing for them to drop you off and find a new route and mind to guide. Their natural logic tells them with time they’ll be fine, while the emotional women is left to feel like the sun will never shine again.
And I want many, women, especially, to get out of their emotions for a bit. You have to be real about life and people. Their ways and patterns and accept them as reality. You do not have to tolerate anything you’re not comfortable with but don’t try to deny it as if shit is not real.
The difference between many women and myself, I am aware how great I am, alone. I am also very aware of how great I can be with the right man besides me. Keeping in mind, that many men wear disguises and I don’t have to settle for any form of guidance just to feel like I’m going somewhere, like I’m accomplishing something.
In the world of women, bitches love bragging about how they got a man, and that’s cool, I’m happy for you. But is that it? That’s all you have is a man? What else do you see in your man? Do you see him as king? Does he provide for you in ways that money can never amount to? Does he uplift and encourage you and your goals and accomplishments? Does he give you a sense of security? Maturity? Have you grown with him? If he left you today, will you be okay? Will you be better off than when you first met him, in all aspects, even if you’re emotionally distraught? These are few insightful questions, but very necessary. Most women don’t even provide what I listed for their own men, so I won’t be surprised if they’re not receiving that, can’t get what you don’t give out.
You must be aware of these things though, can’t stress this enough. Some men will have you around for convenience and create the illusion that they’re guiding you towards the light but in reality you’re going in circles, which explains why you’re so confused. Don’t ignore your inner voice, it truly knows.
Us women are guiders in our own nature and to let men guide is a blessing when you grab the right hand.. And in finding the right hand, you might hold on to a few wrong ones, but as I’ve mentioned, your inner guide won’t let you down.. So if you get that urge to let it go.. Go with it.
I feel I’ve been guiding myself majority of my life, inner guide has shown me the way many tried to keep me from.. So I kept guidance from others to a minimum.. But I’m very young, I’m still 22.. The day I let a man guide me, it’ll be smooth sailing, gotta be pretty easy guiding someone who already knows where they’re going.
My advice on guidance, create your own from within, don’t search for outsiders guidance if you’re lost, especially when you’re lost.
Find yourself.. And you’ll know exactly who to guide you and how you need to be guided.