Help.

I’m stingy, I’m selfish… What’s mine is mine and that’s just how I am. I don’t like to share. But I don’t mind sharing knowledge.

In fact, I loveeeee sharing knowledge. I accumulate knowledge at a fast pace, I love to read and absorb everything I find useful and I can’t help my impulsive nature to pass it on.

I love helping people progress. I swear if it’s anything I’m good for, it’s enlightening people.. I have a gift for shedding light on dark situations, I come from darkness (princess of darkness was my childhood nickname). I know wayyyy more than I let on, I understand so well because of this… And I know how to help. So it’s only right that I do so… Now my ultimate career goal is to be a therapist.. Among other things, but my passion to help others progress on the road to their own self fulfilled success is fueled by the many lost souls I encounter roaming earth. I’m not fully found myself, but I take pride in learning myself everyday and my progression.. I pride myself in understanding, rarely judging and even in the occasions when I do feel judgment, I question myself as to why I feel I have a right to judge as opposed to understanding. I understand my views, my morals.. And I’ve gotten pretty damn good at separating my personal views, and the logic of knowledge to understand.

Understanding is key to life.

Understanding is the main key in helping. See I’m not good at accepting help, I understand why and I’m working on it.. But my advanced level of understanding makes it so easy to help others.. I enable others to understand things about themselves, others and life without being too pushy.. Too assertive or coming off as a know it all.

I like to pass on anything I feel is relevant to you, if I feel you can benefit from a piece of knowledge I’ve acqui(red) I’m passing it on.. You do what you please with what I hand to you, I’ve done my part… I don’t like to pry or press people about their life choices and circumstances, that’s not helping. That’s being a judgmental nosy body.

The thing about help is, it’s selfless.. It’s not about you, the most is the joy you get from helping others.. That’s about as close to it being about you as it gets. To help someone is to better them, help them see things they are too blind to see because emotions or circumstances may be blinding..

Helping is NOT telling someone what to do, or how to live.. It’s not belittling their state of mind or emotions… Humans are sensitive, we must be treated with care, treating others the way we would love to be treated and ca(red) for.

In all reality, in helping others, we help ourselves..

We all have an obligation, as people.. To help one another, to progress.. For the betterment of our society.. We don’t have to compete, which is a common misconception.. All we have to do is create, we all have a lane, we all have a role… Which interlocks some how some way… A little help goes a long way, you never know how your presence or your words, actions especially can impact someone’s life for the better.. Take notice of how others impact yours, helping you grow and better yourself as well… It’s a circle. Continue the cycle of growth by sharing knowledge, that’s the best help any one of us can give and get.

Shit real.

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Table.

I really love metaphors, it’s a great asset to the direct dealing with the indirect, it’s a way of understanding.. the comparison is indeed so accurate you can flip it and it’s still the same meaning.

I love life. I love how no matter how I feel about anything I encounter, I know life is showing me something every step of the way.

Let’s look at life like a board game, that takes up an entire table, everybody has a seat. Table and people sitting at it vary. But let’s talk about you. Your seat, your view, your role, your turn.

Some may not like their seat or turn or even the piece they started with. But how they end means everything. The game of life is long.. You can become impatient and restless. But the game doesn’t stop.

At the table you may want a different view but keep in mind the tables turn slowly, most times we don’t even notice the shifting of the table because we’re so focused on the game. Granted.

Think about sitting at a table. You can see all the angles of the table, your view is just different depending on where you’re sitting. Some think seating is more important than the game itself, and it might be… Depending on why you feel it’s more important.

You should be comfortable in your seat, you should make yourself cozy in your seat, you’re more than likely going to be sitting there the entire game.. You can switch seats, but you can miss your turn like that.. Or your new view seems a little fuzzy, out of focus.. You’ve adjusted your sight to view the table from your seat, another seat alters the way you’re viewing the table.. The way you play the game.

See life is a game. And we’re all at the table. We can lay it all out on the table or shield our cards in a sense… It depends on what’s going on, what you want to do. How you’re gonna move dictates how you progress through this distinctive game of life.

Learn the game.. Learn the table. Most importantly, know your seat. Your role, your awareness of your surroundings and you overall is key in the game. The table just the setting, the seat is just your view. The game is what matters.. Sit at the right table, work with your seat to get it to the comfort level you need to fully focus on your game, so you don’t miss your turn.

Missing your turn is a set back… You have to wait until it comes back around to make your next move, so let’s say you missed your turn because you weren’t paying attention… Now you look up, feeling like you got skipped when in reality you forfeited your turn, time waits for no man and neither does life.. Life happens whether you’re on point or not… So you miss your turn and now what? You gotta wait… You gotta wait til that circle makes it’s way around your table back to you… How you choose to wait will determine how well you will do when it’s turn again. Be wise.

People at the table.
No one who arrives at the table empty handed can sit at the table. The table is a team… It’s a connecting circle of life.. We all get a turn, we all get to play.. We all get to witness. We can help each other at the table but we can’t take turns for each other. Life is very specific with that. You are who you surround yourself with, sit with ambitious driven winners and prosper or succumb to the misery of the losers circle.. The choice is yours.

There’s so many levels to this table metaphor, but I’ve gone deep enough for your mind to take a dive in… Enlighten yourself. Be aware of the game, the minute you think you’re not playing.. The game played you.

Get with it or stay lost.

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Attention.

Attention is funny for me.. I’ve been showe(red) with affectionate attention my whole life and it has made me numb to the feeling attention brings.. I really don’t care for it. I look at my surroundings and I see how attention or lack thereof affects people.. And how this sometimes causes a crackhead like effect on some making them fiends for attention.

Attention is attention.. How it’s perceived, received, given varies.. Good or bad is subjective so I won’t even distinguish the two.
Attention is attention.

In today’s society the demand for attention is costly and at an all time high. The price paid goes beyond currency to fulfill the need for attention. People feel validated when they have attention, some are picky with who they receive attention from, some don’t care as long as the attention is there. The focus is on them and whoever is willing to do just that, wins. Morals are questioned, people are led on and hurt.. All in the name of attention.

It’s crazy to me because as a young woman, my generation of women are labeled needy.. And it’s in reference to attention.
“Women need attention therefore women will complain, develop hat(red) for men and say you’re the one to blame.” – Drake

The excessive need for attention has become tragic. Women are objectifying themselves and their values all in the name of attention. They don’t know why they feel this need to keep the spotlight on them… This is a problem. Not only for women, men are guilty of it too. There’s a deep rooted problem within each and everyone one who is addicted to attention. It may vary with person, but I feel not being happy with yourself is a big factor for most.

When you are overall content with who you are as a person, you don’t set “thirst traps”, you don’t jump to the spotlight when it’s not on you or throw shade on the light of others.. You tend to move very differently than someone who lives for attention. It shows.. And those who are consumed with attention rarely see it for themselves, they are so consumed with themselves and the attention they must keep. It’s pretty ironic, you would think since they’re so consumed with themselves they would notice, they would pick up on the fact that attention seeking is a decoy for something else.. But they’re consumed with their image, not who they are. They haven’t looked that deep, or maybe they have and were uncomfortable with what they found… Who knows.

Now let’s be real, attention does feel good depending on where and how, especially from who, but to feel like you MUST have it at all times is disturbing to me. There’s a time and a place for everything.. What disturbs me is some want all this attention, but for what? You got the attention, what now? Is this apart of your plan? Is there something other than your appearance that you want attention for? If so? What is it? I would love to know.

Attention can be very misleading.. It’s kinda like, laughing with you vs laughing at you. How would you even know the difference when all attention is good to you.. It never crosses your mind that you may be the joke.. Funny, people so often let others fuel them… Not inspire them, or motivate them.. But fuel them… Gas them up. The thing about gas, it’s toxic and it clouds your vision. Most are already blinded.. So attention seekers just go off as soon as their gas tank is filled and it doesn’t take much to gas them up anyway.

I just wonder about people as a whole, and where are we collectively fucking up as people that many of our own are so fucked up mentally that they truly believe high constant levels of public attention validates their existence.. Are we truly oblivious of how serious this is? Do we truly care? If so, why do we ignore it? The neglect ironically is what b(red) the attention seekers. Is this world meant to have the attention seekers or is this a cry for help? Yet we ignore the cries, wait to hear the word ‘help’ but how can you help those who aren’t aware they need it? How can we help and we don’t hear it, see it.. We allow these mirages to tell us, these people are confident in themselves, they’re okay.. when in reality they are the most broken… The image of confidence is perfectly placed to continue the flow of attention.. But you don’t see confidence, you feel it.

Attention doesn’t phase me, a lack of it doesn’t belittle me, an abundance of it doesn’t make me feel anymore important. The reason why, for me.. I’m complete. I know my worth and what I’m deserving of, I make myself feel good.. The only attention you should concern yourself with is the attention you give yourself. How you carry yourself, the way you move, how you think, feel, act should make you feel just as good as 100+ likes on Instagram (and how real it is that “likes” on a social media app really dictates confidence levels to some? Smh)

You just need to pay attention.. To you, your surroundings. It’s crucial.
Don’t let attention build you up just to break you down.

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Just a thought..

I’ve been thinking… As usual.

I’m still playing with balance, still adjusting levels of factors in my life.
I think of what I know, what I think I know, and what I don’t.

I do my best to ensure that all the thoughts are positive, but realistically that isn’t always as easy as I would like.. Certain negative thoughts are certainly very much true and real but I rather not to focus on it, not so much that I ignore it.. I’m aware of the wrong.. But I don’t feed it. I don’t encourage it. I acknowledge what’s wrong, and begin to think and plot of ways to convert it to right. Sometimes finding ways to right a wrong is very hard but lord knows, I don’t break easily.

Life is an everyday challenge.
Not where you want to be just yet.. but you’ll be damned if you stop now. No ‘road block’ will halt your journey. That’s how I see it.

I believe with every fiber in my being that nothing and no one can stop me.. Except me. So that’s who I’m hard on. Me. I think so often of what I’m building and working towards, keeping in mind the reality of now.. Now, I have to go harder… Whenever I think I’m going hard, I feel the need to push myself with even more force.

There’s plenty I’m working on internally, externally.. And I just choose to remain positive overall.. Sure there are moments where negativity shows its face every now and then, but as I’ve mentioned I give it my minimal attention.

My attention span is very childish, curious as ever but refuses to focus on one thing long enough.. I’ve been whipping it into shape for many years now and I’ve gotten better with focus..

I’m getting better all around everyday, I remind myself of this, constantly.. I have no other choice. In what I’m pursuing with my life, I know it’s going to take a long time.. That’s fine. I’ve finally accepted that, but due to my anxious nature I can’t help but get all riled up internally anticipating what’s to come.. This is where my reminders come in handy. Reminding me of my progress, my process and the signs life places in front of me.. Combined, the message is clear;
You’re well on your way… Just enjoy your ride…

And I am, I am getting better at really soaking in the moment. The end is satisfying but, it’s a limited satisfaction… For me in particular, the ending. The final piece, work, whatever is enticing.. But then it becomes regular or normal for me. I get used to things easily.. The spark wears off so it may come off as I’m not appreciative, ungrateful even. And it’s not that at all. I’m extremely grateful for everything that I am able to do.. But once my vision is real, it’s on to the next one.. It doesn’t seem odd to me, all these visions I have in mind, I can’t stay hooked on one for too long. So to fully appreciate everything, I have to over indulge in the process. In the makings of my crafts, the reason for my joy.

I still feel restricted though, a lot of those restrictions I placed upon myself… To free myself of these restrictions I have to get to a certain place… I won’t allow myself to be free, until I truly feel free.

And my goal is to be free.

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Guidance.

I’m stubborn by nurture, so guidance is tricky for me. I’ve never been one to just let anyone give me guidance. I’ve been wanting to speak on guidance for a long time now but I wasn’t quite ready to do so.. I wasn’t ready yet.
But I’m ready now.. Thanks to a spark of tweets, I’ve finally found out exactly how I feel about guidance.. And how to word it.

In life your parents/caretakers are your first encounter of guidance.. They shape how you accept or reject instructions from authority and in general. As you become old enough to take control of your own life, those in your circle and especially your significant other are your guidance. (And if you have any objections to that.. I suggest you find some new people to associate yourself with.)

Guidance is usually in reference to advice or direction from one in authority, and authority is the power you give those around you when you ask for advice. No matter how minuscule it may seem, seeking any advice or direction for your life choices and actions from someone other than yourself, is giving someone a great power. Think about it.

Now with great power comes great responsibility, are we all truly fit to guide others when many of us can barely guide ourselves? And in guidance, the many of us who step up to the plate, is it for the power? Or the person? How does one go about choosing guidance, recognizing guidance in its purest form and not the tainted puppet show most use guidance for? In the world we live in today, you just can’t ever be too sure.

The best person to guide you is you.. First and foremost. You know your intention and direction, you know your purpose. Now, good guidance never hurt anyone.. Hell, it’s needed for progression. None of us know it all, but combine what we all know and we’re unstoppable. But no matter what guidance you choose to follow make sure your guiding inner voice is at peace.. Always follow that one shall your inner guidance and outer guidance don’t match up.

Speaking of match up, what realllllyyyy sparked me to write about this was my personal life, with men.
Men are natural guidance counselors .. Always wanna lead the way, they don’t need direction, they create direction. Cool. It’s natural for men to feel this way… But many don’t even know the way. As a woman who very much loves man, I understand the role of the man in a positive, progressive relationship.. I also understand that many men in my era don’t have the slightest clue of that.. Let alone the role of a woman in a relationship like I mentioned. I’m not bashing men, I would never. But realistically many men aren’t at peace with themselves, or even know who they truly are.. So imagine letting one like that guide me? No.

I remember this man, he was older, very successful, decent looking but very arrogant. His arrogance turned me off because I saw right through him… He had all this success and I could see he was empty inside, but he wanted to impress me so his arrogance was obvious. Nothing we spoke of made me feel like he was this man he portrayed, yes the rewards of his labor were very real.. But who he was portraying to be, was not. Needless to say, I couldn’t hide my disinterest.. He told me, I needed guidance, that was my problem.. I’m young, I don’t know the way yet. I laughed told him he was probably right, but I’ll be okay.

I’m aware of the type of person I am, the type of woman I am. I never claim to not need guidance but I’m wise enough to know all guidance isn’t good guidance and some guidance will leave you lost. And I’ve seen women fall to demises so tragic because the man they chose to allow to take the lead, made a quick left and they haven’t seen him since.. All lost, no clue with what to do next.

I don’t like to be lost.

If a man doesn’t know where he’s going, how can he possibly show me where to go? I just don’t want to take that route.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of men that are in position to be the proper guidance in a relationship, but often, either they’re too caught up in what they’re building towards they just don’t seem to have the time to invest into a relationship (as with some women) or, the women they’re with block any guidance. And that’s not healthy.

Many women, including myself have been b(red) by society and parents to be more independent.. To be self-sufficient. Decades of horror stories of women who’ve been left.. weak and helpless cause their men were their guidance, they can’t see now.. It’s like a blind’s seeing eye dog running off leaving his owner in the middle of traffic. It’s tragic.

We now have the mentality as a majority, that I realized about my father at a young age.
Men can leave.
Now I don’t feel I have daddy issues.. Anymore. I’ve come to terms and peace with the one who I should’ve called father, but I won’t lie on how that realization shaped how I treat and deal with men.
I’m aware leaving is always a possibility.
Guidance or not.. If a man wants to leave, he will. Women are the only gender who stays when she wants to leave.. Hmmm I wonder why, maybe because the fear of being lost and alone with no guidance outweighs the unhappiness in their uncomfortable situation. Whereas with men, they create the direction. It’s nothing for them to drop you off and find a new route and mind to guide. Their natural logic tells them with time they’ll be fine, while the emotional women is left to feel like the sun will never shine again.
Realistically speaking.
And I want many, women, especially, to get out of their emotions for a bit. You have to be real about life and people. Their ways and patterns and accept them as reality. You do not have to tolerate anything you’re not comfortable with but don’t try to deny it as if shit is not real.

The difference between many women and myself, I am aware how great I am, alone. I am also very aware of how great I can be with the right man besides me. Keeping in mind, that many men wear disguises and I don’t have to settle for any form of guidance just to feel like I’m going somewhere, like I’m accomplishing something.

In the world of women, bitches love bragging about how they got a man, and that’s cool, I’m happy for you. But is that it? That’s all you have is a man? What else do you see in your man? Do you see him as king? Does he provide for you in ways that money can never amount to? Does he uplift and encourage you and your goals and accomplishments? Does he give you a sense of security? Maturity? Have you grown with him? If he left you today, will you be okay? Will you be better off than when you first met him, in all aspects, even if you’re emotionally distraught? These are few insightful questions, but very necessary. Most women don’t even provide what I listed for their own men, so I won’t be surprised if they’re not receiving that, can’t get what you don’t give out.

You must be aware of these things though, can’t stress this enough. Some men will have you around for convenience and create the illusion that they’re guiding you towards the light but in reality you’re going in circles, which explains why you’re so confused. Don’t ignore your inner voice, it truly knows.

Us women are guiders in our own nature and to let men guide is a blessing when you grab the right hand.. And in finding the right hand, you might hold on to a few wrong ones, but as I’ve mentioned, your inner guide won’t let you down.. So if you get that urge to let it go.. Go with it.

I feel I’ve been guiding myself majority of my life, inner guide has shown me the way many tried to keep me from.. So I kept guidance from others to a minimum.. But I’m very young, I’m still 22.. The day I let a man guide me, it’ll be smooth sailing, gotta be pretty easy guiding someone who already knows where they’re going.

My advice on guidance, create your own from within, don’t search for outsiders guidance if you’re lost, especially when you’re lost.
Find yourself.. And you’ll know exactly who to guide you and how you need to be guided.

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Reminders.

I think it’s funny the way I remember things, shit even how others remember things.. Sometimes you forget, a subtle or obvious reminder can trigger your memory and pull up what you momentarily forgot…

See I’m aware I’m forgetful.. I know I have it all sto(red), some things just have to be trigge(red) and other things don’t based on the level of relevance in my every day life… So I love reminders from life that trigger the things I need to be reminded of even though the relevance in my everyday life at its present state doesn’t call for it. Cool.

Some reminders make me a little nervous.. Some reminders remind me of things I wasn’t aware I knew of.

Your mind absorbs everything your body comes into contact with, [touch, sight, sound, taste] those forms of contact create feelings based on the form of contact mixed with your personality… But we’re not always aware of everything/one we come across, the things we hear, the places we go, the things we see.. Our mind is usually on autopilot, so until we’re reminded, ironically, later on.. do we truly realize the impact of something or someone we completely overlooked.

Life is funny like that. The mind works in ways still mysterious to us, which is mind boggling, to me.
But I digress.

I’m fulfilling my purpose in life, that’s what I’m doing now, living. Moving, working how I see fit and making it my business to collect my reminders.. Those are my receipts, in a sense.

I don’t like to speak too directly or get too specific, I like to get my point across as general as possible.. The more specific you get in some cases, the more subjected you are to missing the point because you’re too focused on the detail, rather than the picture. Now details are important, but the big picture has to be seen and understood to even begin to process the significant role of the detail.

Comprehension is key.

Reminders will remind you of this…

You can focus on your details in your life tailoring it where you see fit, but you have to always keep the bigger picture in mind.. You have to constantly remind yourself of what the bigger picture looks like.. The bigger picture is what you’re striving for, the details are shaping it. How you shape it will create either the picture you wanted or one that catches you off guard like a mystery flavo(red) airhead. Either way, you created it.. If your picture in the end isn’t how you envisioned it, you were too caught up in the details and forgot what the picture was supposed to look like.

A great way to avoid this, like many things in life can be.. Is to be aware, and understand why the picture you visualize for yourself is in fact that picture you see..

See a lot of people want things because others have it, or it looks good, or sounds good. There’s no real fuel for this other than influence.. And that’s not enough. The fire has to come from within. If it’s not there, find a way to spark it or move on to something else.

Longevity will never come to those who are not fueled by passion for whatever it is they are after.

Know this.

Look around you at the constant reminders life places in front of you… You’ll see it now if you didn’t before.

It doesn’t cost you a thing to dig deep and find that picture you want to paint into reality… Feel free to focus on all the details, but never lose sight of the bigger picture.

And in the words of H-to the-izzo, V-to the-izzay, gotta remind yourself.. Nobody built like you, you designed yourself.

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Effort.

What’s an effort really? An attempt, no? Make enough of an attempt, combined with the right force and you’ve achieved whatever it is that you were giving an effort to begin with..

I’m a firm and stern believer in “if you want something bad enough, you’ll get it by any means”. So if you can’t build up enough effort to push it through from desire to reality.. How bad did you want it initially?

I battle a lot within myself on many things, effort being one of them.. I know how much effort is requi(red) of me in almost every aspect of my life where effort is called for… But do I always feel like putting forth the requi(red) effort? No. Does that mean I don’t want it if I’m not willing to put the effort in, I guess in that moment where I don’t feel like it, I don’t. I may want many things, but I don’t always want them all the time…

Some things call for more effort than others and other things require as much effort as I feel is being given towards me (regarding people). I’m more patient with putting effort towards my goals|visions than I have the patience with putting effort into people.

The thing with people and effort is the way it’s perceived, varies with person. So your effort and their effort is seen and felt differently.

We often forget that who we’ve met, was someone else before, they evolved into who we met.. They’re on their own self progression through life, so the effort they put forth may not be as appreciated as it would be had you known this person before they’ve reached who they are now… Now with that in mind, you may become more lenient, but that’s no crutch either. Just because who you were fails in comparison to who you are now doesn’t mean the effort isn’t still requi(red)..

The thing about effort and why everyone wants it to the point of consistency, is what effort represents.
Effort represents want. And everyone wants to feel wanted, every goal has to be wanted to become a reality.

A lack of effort, signals a lack of want, a lack of desire.

Perfect example? me in the workplace, I work to do my job but I often get questioned about my efforts, granted I can see why.. I just put forth enough effort til it’s time for me to go home.. It’s not so much that I don’t want to be there, but rather there’s other things I would rather be doing but I’m restricted at the moment.. I think about all the effort I put in my life and towards what and who…. And I’m playing with the balance, adjusting it where it’s needed.

Once you figure out the balance of effort you need in all aspects, a lot more energy is conserved and progress can speed up.

It’s all about the progress..

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