Saving.

To save, means a multitude of things.

I can’t save money, but I can save people. It’s funny, the money I’m supposed to save, I use to save others.. Of course, this is not publicly known, I barely speak on my finances in numbers with others, to a certain extent, maybe, depending on who.. But to the last dollar amount no. Why? It’s no one’s business.

First, I won’t deny I’m broke. Many have different standards of what being broke means. But when it comes to money, it’s an emotional subject, for a few reasons on both ends.

There’s a saying I’ve heard from many different street men on many different occasions, (they tend to like my conversation.. I’m cool like that lol) but the saying goes;
Little money never told big money what to do.

I’m broke. I’m employed, I make a decent wage considering the job and I’m still broke. I can’t provide for myself in the way I want to, exactly how I want to. Basically, I have little money.. That’s how I see it. I’m not ashamed because I know this little money only temporary, I’m rising on the little money ladder, I’ll be big money real soon.. I have no worries about that.

But back to saving .. I’m always saving someone, never mention it to others, never bring it up, but I have a thing for saving people. Even in the little aspects, I come through. If I know you need something, and I have the means to help you obtain it.. I’m providing that. It’s truly in my nature. I know, very well how important saving is.. On both ends, financially and with people. But I rather save people than money.. I know how it feels to need to be saved and no sign of a life jacket let alone a life guard, when life’s ocean waves tend to get rough and high. It’s a horrible feeling, literally feels like drowning to me. And I can’t stand to see people drown in front of me, I can hear them gasping for breath while trying to keep their composure, I know that sound all too well..

I can certainly come to your rescue, but I’ll be the one who doesn’t ring the alarm when I’m in need. Idk why, we all need to be saved at one point or another, I’m aware of the cycle of life when it comes to saving.. But as bad as I need to be saved at times, I let myself drown, well almost.. I have yet to fully drown, I’ve become my own life jacket.. And for some reason, I don’t feel it’s healthy. You would think the awareness would make a difference, but not really.. I’m aware but stubborn. I need to get better at allowing myself to be saved, when needed.. I can’t do it all alone. I truly can’t, yet I try anyway… Eh, I guess all in due time no?

I also need to get better at saving money… So I can continue to save myself and those around me. Save us from the horrible reality of what life is without help, without a savior.

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Art view.

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What do EYE see when I look at this painting?

I see me.
I see my brain lavender from the intensified lust I have for knowledge and wisdom, I see my ego in the outline of a man.. I see the garden as my flesh, constantly blossoming through seasons. The scenery reflects my ever so vivid imagination, the little birdy in my ear that won’t shut up about all the stuff he’s heard but knows I need to hear it.

In essence, I see my reflection.

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Real.

I love the real. I love accepting the real as is.

My entire life I’ve been fed so many lies I have an obsessive craving for truth. I spit it out hoping I get it right back. Reality is, that’s not always the case.. But I’ve grown to understand, as long as you’re real with yourself you’re more than good.

Being real with you is accepting every part of you as a whole.

I’ve grown to accept the fact that everyone isn’t going to be real with you, and if they are, it’s on their terms. You can’t force anyone to be upfront and honest with you.. As long as you’re honest about that, you should be fine.

It is a little frustrating, when you’re exerting honesty and it’s not reciprocated, not that you’re being honest to get that in return…. But why would you feed me lies when the tone I set is already judge free truth zone? Why is it you want to lead me astray from reality?

I hate when people harbor feelings, if you’re harboring them to properly identify them and better understand them, fine. But to just hold it in, let it build and pretend like shit is one way when it’s another way… Is lying.

Deception is the only felony.

I have to feel from everyone I’m around that honesty isn’t a factor, it’s truly a way of life. I hope that’s what people take from me.. I don’t like to lie, I prefer to be as honest as possible. I don’t hide anything, I’m just not in the broadcasting business.

Being real is nothing more than being honest.

You know how much farther you get in life by being honest?

People may argue this; there’s a such thing as being “too honest” (when keeping it real goes wrong)

To me, there’s no such thing as too honest… Maybe too harsh of an approach. But those who feel there’s such thing as too honest, are usually sensitive to reality.

Shit is real.

You can live in your fairtytale bubble but the real world still exists, and you’re still apart of it, whether or not you want to accept it. And that’s the truth.

Act accordingly.

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