Saving.

To save, means a multitude of things.

I can’t save money, but I can save people. It’s funny, the money I’m supposed to save, I use to save others.. Of course, this is not publicly known, I barely speak on my finances in numbers with others, to a certain extent, maybe, depending on who.. But to the last dollar amount no. Why? It’s no one’s business.

First, I won’t deny I’m broke. Many have different standards of what being broke means. But when it comes to money, it’s an emotional subject, for a few reasons on both ends.

There’s a saying I’ve heard from many different street men on many different occasions, (they tend to like my conversation.. I’m cool like that lol) but the saying goes;
Little money never told big money what to do.

I’m broke. I’m employed, I make a decent wage considering the job and I’m still broke. I can’t provide for myself in the way I want to, exactly how I want to. Basically, I have little money.. That’s how I see it. I’m not ashamed because I know this little money only temporary, I’m rising on the little money ladder, I’ll be big money real soon.. I have no worries about that.

But back to saving .. I’m always saving someone, never mention it to others, never bring it up, but I have a thing for saving people. Even in the little aspects, I come through. If I know you need something, and I have the means to help you obtain it.. I’m providing that. It’s truly in my nature. I know, very well how important saving is.. On both ends, financially and with people. But I rather save people than money.. I know how it feels to need to be saved and no sign of a life jacket let alone a life guard, when life’s ocean waves tend to get rough and high. It’s a horrible feeling, literally feels like drowning to me. And I can’t stand to see people drown in front of me, I can hear them gasping for breath while trying to keep their composure, I know that sound all too well..

I can certainly come to your rescue, but I’ll be the one who doesn’t ring the alarm when I’m in need. Idk why, we all need to be saved at one point or another, I’m aware of the cycle of life when it comes to saving.. But as bad as I need to be saved at times, I let myself drown, well almost.. I have yet to fully drown, I’ve become my own life jacket.. And for some reason, I don’t feel it’s healthy. You would think the awareness would make a difference, but not really.. I’m aware but stubborn. I need to get better at allowing myself to be saved, when needed.. I can’t do it all alone. I truly can’t, yet I try anyway… Eh, I guess all in due time no?

I also need to get better at saving money… So I can continue to save myself and those around me. Save us from the horrible reality of what life is without help, without a savior.

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