So I’m just regrouping, reflecting…
I’m doing a lot. Not enough in my eyes, but I’m definitely making moves, small steps become big leaps… All in due time.
I’m so aware of what I need and don’t need, what I’m surrounding myself with, how much farther I need to go. Shit is real.
I’ve been working hard to be smarter about my movements, putting in sweat to ensure my foundation is properly secure. For me it’s tricky, I kept putting actual dates, knowing damn well I’m not on earth time. I set myself up for failure when I do that.. I set these deadlines and when I don’t reach them I feel resentment towards myself.. I had to realize, in order to get rid of that resentment I had to do two things: one, stop putting deadlines based on dates, but rather deadlines based on movements, actions that reveal their own dates as time progresses… Two, stop beating myself up when I should be motivating myself more when I feel down.
I’m the type if I’m down, I’ll rub my face in it til it hurts. I used to think it was helpful, but it was kinda self-sadistic of myself. Certainly not helpful as I look back on it. I’m getting better.
I realized I don’t have to beat myself down to move forward, I just have to push myself harder forward, not down in the dirt. I don’t have to feel resentment when I don’t accomplish something in the exact timing I want, because I’m not stopping so it just means, my timing was off … My work isn’t. My work is progressing in ways that tell me, fuck time. Everything will come together and reveal itself exactly when it should. Just keep working. Perfect the craft. All around.
I feel ready, but I know I’m not. I’m not ready for all that awaits me, but I’m working towards it everyday. And each day that passes, I become more ready.. I become better equipped to deal with everything I’m building.
I know what I’m striving for, it’s all that consumes my mind, all the time I have to myself, is spent working on one thing or another.. And all those things combined make up the big picture. I can’t devote any focus on anything else.. My soul won’t allow it. My desires are tooo alive and pulsing rapidly as I work. The heartbeat is vital for my destiny.
I only share these thoughts, a portion of what crosses my mind.. With the feeling of certainty I’m not the only one, I know each and everyone of us are on a path to self fulfillment. Converting dreams to reality, pushing to be better than we were labeled to be. We all have these desires, no matter how different they might be, we all have them. My thing is to show people you don’t have to stop, you don’t have to put your deepest desires on the back burner and settle for something that you feel is more “realistic”.. Honey let me tell you, There’s nothing more realistic than realizing your dreams. Living the life you’ve dreamed of, being the person you know truly and deeply you are. Despite “circumstances”, despite “obstacles”, you can over come all of that and reach that point where your soul is at peace and your mind agrees.
It’s a journey, and at times that journey will get more difficult than you can fathom, but damn you if you stop. Don’t ignore that gut feeling to keep going. It’ll all be worth it in the end. The only way you’ll see that is once you get there, you already feel it… Push through that until you see it.