Farewell 2014

Reflecting on this year has certainly revealed some things I needed to acknowledge, I’m happy.

I’m so happy for what this year has taught me, what it has made of me.. I’m better than I was last year and I’m ready for the new year.

I know I emphasize patience often, but practice definitely has made its presence in this year.. Practice makes progress, progress makes perfect. As long as you continue to practice your craft, practice your character you will prosper.

It’s not about what you do, it’s how you do it.. And how you practice determines everything in the end.

2014 was very informative and insightful. Definitely another year of roller coaster wisdom rides.. Not that I mind, now. I’m just happy to have made it through even stronger than before, on so many levels.

As we leave this year, let’s be reminded of what we learned, gained, lost, found, uncove(red).. Of ourselves, others and the world. Take a moment to truly deeply reflect.

For the new year begins tomorrow, another 365 days to continue getting your shit right for you and yours. Go in with a clear mindset of how far you’ve come and where you’re headed.

Make a conscious effort to leave negativity behind, it’s heavy baggage to carry for, always cost you extra. Leave it.

Don’t pity yourself. Even if this year shook your world upside down, you needed that, hopefully at this point you can see that.. Don’t dwell, everything happens as it’s meant to be.. Whether we recognize that in the moment or if we realize it in retrospect.

Take some time to write a few things down.

I’m spending New Year’s Eve with my family it’s been a few years since I have, so it’s only right. Tonight we will all write down what we learned, what we lost and gained, within ourselves and externally… Then we will write a letter to 2015 specifying what we want, out of life and ourselves. Focusing only on what we can control and remaining positive on the things we can’t control.

Drink up, smoke up, eat good, and embrace your loved ones extra tightly tonight. I wish you all a happy new year, full of love, happiness, prosperity and positivity.
🙂

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Label.

I’ve never been a big fan of labels and title.. I don’t care too much what it’s called, I care more what it is.. That goes for everything material and living.

I have a great sense of who I am, and who I’m meant to be… But I don’t label myself. I don’t throw labels on my character, I never really defined myself.. Too consumed with designing myself. Figuring out what I am and what I’m not, what I like, what I don’t..

We live in a world where labels are what many look for first… Which throws me off cause that’s just a title.. That’s just a name.

I’m building a name for myself, a name that can’t be defined. Which sounds like a cliche cause everything here can be defined. But I don’t want to be defined by a title, a label.. I want to be felt so deeply the label doesn’t matter, a title doesn’t do me justice. I’m aiming to be bigger than any label or title that can be placed upon me.

There are things I identify with; my culture, my interests, desires. They have titles.. But that’s not all I am.

I’m greater than anything I can be labeled even when I’m labeled the greatest, I’ll be greater than that.

In time that will show, I’ve been designing myself for some time.. As I continue, I’ve decided I’ll wear the labels, I’ll take the titles… I just won’t feel obligated to remain boxed in just because I have been labeled and crowned.

My biggest fear is restriction. I’ve been restricted by society and myself on so much I have a paranoia of restriction. I don’t ever want to feel like I can’t do something, whether it’s lack of resources, knowledge, opportunity or connections.. I don’t want to feel like I’m stuck. Like I have to restrict myself to fit in this box I’m put in.. I feel stuck now honestly, a few restrictions seem to be in the way, but like my man warren buffet said, look for 1ft bars to hop over.

I’m working on continuing to plan and execute bigger than the last, but instead of viewing my problems and restrictions as if they’re just as big as my dreams.. I’m minimizing them. Small shit to a giant.. Right? Right.

These last days of 2014 will set off what I need.

2015 will be a special year.

This one certainly has been valuable to my growth and worth…

Goodbye restrictions that comes with labels and titles, I’ll take mine without it.

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Counting $igns.

I’ve been counting, counting up the time left.. Counting down all the time that has passed.. I’ve been counting on people, when I really shouldn’t (not bc of the person, but bc of what it is I was counting on them for..) I’ve been counting up the signs… But I feel my math is off, I’ve never been too good with that .. I think I’ve been adding and subtracting when I should be multiplying and dividing.. I have all the correct variables.. But the answers from my mental equations aren’t adding up to what it should be…. So, what am I doing wrong?

Ultimately I blame myself for everything, whether it was directly my fault or not, it’s still falling on me .. If indirectly, I allowed it, if directly I created it.

I have to be honest with myself… At all times.

I’ve been catching the signs and they are bright and clear as a beautiful spring day… With a fresh breeze, providing clarity to my clouded mind: I have to switch it up…

I’m very stubborn. This is a problem. I’m working on it, so I’m not worried, but I’m focused on minimizing this as quickly as possible. I don’t want to be so stuck in my ways that I can’t see that the way I choose to do things doesn’t work for everything. I have to tailor everything to fit each task as it is… Not as I see it should be, not as I want it to be when I know it’s not like that… Of course, I can alter tasks once I conquer them but I have to treat them like a great teacher does her students; everyone gets specialized attention and customized for the individual.

This is a challenge on its own, but I’m up for it… I’m very flawed, I’m the furthest thing from perfect like everyone I know (Thank you, Drake.. Thank you) my view of perfection is just owning and slaying everything that crosses my path in a positive and beneficial manner.

I realize my setbacks and I realized before that, that this will be one hell of a challenge battling them all… I just have to take it one challenge at a time, zoning in and intensifying my focus.

I’m transforming my weaknesses into strengths… Strengths into superpowers. One step at a time.

I feel detached, I feel alone, not lonely… But alone. I don’t feel I can talk to anyone freely, I can’t express myself how I want bc the little I do express, I’m not understood.. (Maybe my vagueness is a factor) It’s not that the people around can’t grasp what it is I’m feeling, it’s just they don’t see what I see, how I see it… Very few can see what’s not there, many have different desires from mine, different interests… Our concerns do not match up, so sure I can spill my soul to my loved ones and they’ll try to empathize .. But it’s not to the core, so it’s no good for me, sure I have ears I can speak to that I know will listen, but there’s no relation.. I don’t want to vent, I want answers… Answers I can only find within myself.

And that’s one of the biggest reasons why I write, (I keep a journal for the more personal private thoughts) I share these thoughts on this blog bc in speaking to you, the reader, I’m speaking to myself.. And if you can relate to the core, the way certain blogs posts touch me to my core, and spark up thoughts that becomes answers to questions I felt but never formed the correct way to ask.. Then I’m helping, and that’s all I want. To help. Helping myself to help others.. A chain reaction.

As the new year approaches and the current year comes to an end.. Now is the best time to reflect in retrospect.. Internally, externally, surroundings.. We must remind ourselves of our purpose, in detail… We must remind ourselves who we are, even if we aren’t them yet.. The design we’ve been molding is shaping, be aware of that.. Remind ourselves of how far we’ve come and how much farther we have to go, and to fight any negativity with positivity. That’s the only way to prosper in longevity.

I’m not counting anymore… I’m just going to tally it up when it’s all said and done, I have a lot of work to do… Time is a factor, but I’m not counting it anymore. I’m just doing what I need to do, to get shit done.

I have to give every new approach my all… This is all I have left.

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Obligation.

Why do we feel obligated to do things that we might not necessarily want to do .. We might have to, or we might feel pressu(red) to… By ourselves, those we care for or those we work for/with.

I think about what I feel I’m obligated to do and I try to trace this obligation to its roots… Why do I feel I HAVE to? Is it more for me or for whoever made me feel this way? Is it for the betterment of me? Society? My surroundings? Or do we just get it done to get off our own backs, or to get others to leave us alone?

Obligations vary, but it’s the root of that particular obligation that’s important, the WHY ..

Often I realized society standards places many obligations on us, around us.. Supposedly to better us… But I don’t see the betterment. Just the bitter moving along complying with obligations they have no true understanding of WHY.. No real thought as to why do I feel I NEED to do this … No purpose other than the need to shake this demon off our backs once and for all. It’s only a demon and a burden to us bc we don’t want to do this, we just feel we have to… An obligation is truly a burden when you don’t know WHY.

With that in mind, I performed yet another reality check and had to really analyze why I do what I do and why do I feel the need to do it.

Part of the reason is my need to be there for others.. I feel obligated to come through for those I care for when they need me .. I also feel obligated to never apply those pressures onto them, mind you that pressure I speak of, I put on myself. I have people that depend on me, but I depend more on me to ensure I’m someone people can depend on… Sometimes I take it too far, I put so much pressure on myself for others, others think I’m well off. But I’m just as fucked up if not more than they are. I just feel obligated to keep to myself so I’m not a burden on others… Then I ask myself, why would I be a burden to anyone around me? I certainly don’t look at the people around me as burdens even in times where I’m needed.. So why do EYE feel that way?

I set standards for myself that I haven’t met yet.. I keep reaching because I know for a fact where I am now is nothing, I’m internally knowing what I am and I don’t reflect that at all times, I expect a lot because I’m willing to give just as much… I’ve been giving more and more because I know what I expect in all aspects. I feel my standards aren’t what people are used to, might seem too high for me.. Idk. I just get this feeling. So I place the pressure of making sure I oblige with what I have set for myself. I don’t want to put that on anyone else because this is what EYE want for me.

I know the WHY.. It makes me feel a bit sane (lord knows I’m far from that) knowing my reasoning for my obligations. There’s a few I placed upon me for ego purposes but I’ve been shedding ego… It’s a process.. They will be eliminated. Shit is crazy but ego isn’t what I need right now. False obligations aren’t it either.

There’s a war internally that I must win, that is my true obligation.

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Decemburrrr

It’s the first of the last month of the year…
Yay.
It’s getting colder, add some heat to your fire…

2015 countdown.

You know what that means? One more month to act on what we want to manifest in the year ahead…

Here’s a little mantra I recite in the morning.

Today I will be impeccable with my word, I will not take anything personally, I will not make any assumptions, and I am going to do my best.

An excerpt from The Four agreements.
Great book, amazing message.

Shit real.

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