Why do we feel obligated to do things that we might not necessarily want to do .. We might have to, or we might feel pressu(red) to… By ourselves, those we care for or those we work for/with.
I think about what I feel I’m obligated to do and I try to trace this obligation to its roots… Why do I feel I HAVE to? Is it more for me or for whoever made me feel this way? Is it for the betterment of me? Society? My surroundings? Or do we just get it done to get off our own backs, or to get others to leave us alone?
Obligations vary, but it’s the root of that particular obligation that’s important, the WHY ..
Often I realized society standards places many obligations on us, around us.. Supposedly to better us… But I don’t see the betterment. Just the bitter moving along complying with obligations they have no true understanding of WHY.. No real thought as to why do I feel I NEED to do this … No purpose other than the need to shake this demon off our backs once and for all. It’s only a demon and a burden to us bc we don’t want to do this, we just feel we have to… An obligation is truly a burden when you don’t know WHY.
With that in mind, I performed yet another reality check and had to really analyze why I do what I do and why do I feel the need to do it.
Part of the reason is my need to be there for others.. I feel obligated to come through for those I care for when they need me .. I also feel obligated to never apply those pressures onto them, mind you that pressure I speak of, I put on myself. I have people that depend on me, but I depend more on me to ensure I’m someone people can depend on… Sometimes I take it too far, I put so much pressure on myself for others, others think I’m well off. But I’m just as fucked up if not more than they are. I just feel obligated to keep to myself so I’m not a burden on others… Then I ask myself, why would I be a burden to anyone around me? I certainly don’t look at the people around me as burdens even in times where I’m needed.. So why do EYE feel that way?
I set standards for myself that I haven’t met yet.. I keep reaching because I know for a fact where I am now is nothing, I’m internally knowing what I am and I don’t reflect that at all times, I expect a lot because I’m willing to give just as much… I’ve been giving more and more because I know what I expect in all aspects. I feel my standards aren’t what people are used to, might seem too high for me.. Idk. I just get this feeling. So I place the pressure of making sure I oblige with what I have set for myself. I don’t want to put that on anyone else because this is what EYE want for me.
I know the WHY.. It makes me feel a bit sane (lord knows I’m far from that) knowing my reasoning for my obligations. There’s a few I placed upon me for ego purposes but I’ve been shedding ego… It’s a process.. They will be eliminated. Shit is crazy but ego isn’t what I need right now. False obligations aren’t it either.
There’s a war internally that I must win, that is my true obligation.