Civilized Savage.

Sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s me.

I’m civilized, I tamed my savage to be able to function in this society. I suppose that’s next level savage, being that I didn’t kill my savage.. I still feed it. And it’s a challenge, as I become older I realize my savage wants to be free. My savage wants to play, wants to roam with no restrictions, but I must tread carefully… I can’t release the beast all too soon, I haven’t seen anything like this anywhere from anyone, for that alone I must release my savage in doses until I’m free. Free to be the wild semi domesticated beast I am.

I’m dangerous, I’m aware of this but thankfully it’s in the best way because I have no evil intent, no malicious nature in which my savage can cause intentional harm. I feel blessed, but also cursed I had to restrict myself for so long…. But time’s revealing it was all for the best.

I know that savage isn’t only the negative context we were taught. I see the light in the savage, the positive attributes you contain within your savage nature.

Now that I look up I see, it is time.

I took the lock off the cage… In a matter of seconds, I’ll be free.
Out of the cage, the savage will be free.

I feel amazing.

Shit real.

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Shit real.

It’s been a whirlwind and the month is almost over. Go figure.

Things are unfolding, although some things appear to be falling apart. I’m working though.. I’ve made a few adjustments and awaiting some more to come into effect.

I don’t have time. My focus is currently on creating time.. I feel you have all the time in the world when you don’t know what you want, but the moment you do, you hear the clock ticking. I’m young but determined to utilize this youth in the most progressive manner.

I realize how much sacrifice this calls for, but if it’s one thing I know in this life, is how to sacrifice… Sure I get irritated at the thought. But it’s not at the cause, just act itself. I’ve become selfish from always feeling like I had to sacrifice. But the difference now, is I’m sacrificing for me.

There’s a lot more I could be doing, glad I’m aware of this. I feel really relaxed, I’m enjoying a hot bath reflecting and plotting on life with the soothings sounds of a playlist from spotify. I just think about what it is I’m after and it’s all that consumes my mind.

I don’t want to get so caught up I lose track of time. It’s vital to my progression that I always keep one eye on time, not letting it dictate me, but reminding me of my pace.

Things are changing. I’m in this space that I’ll refer to as limbo… Except I don’t know what I’m waiting for, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m waiting for something. Although I’m moving along with my life and plans…. I know I’m waiting for something.

You ever think about how your life plays out? As it’s playing out? Have you ever noticed the shift in your life as it made its way towards the unknown? You try to fight it? You follow? Are you aware when relationships or circumstances shift to force you to make changes? To see what is for you and what’s not? What’s convenience and what’s destined? Are you willing to walk away from all you know, to go to where you want to be, where you feel you belong? Are you strong enough to make that sacrifice? Are you even willing to find out?

There’s only one way to find out.

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Connect.

Happy New Year.

First Monday of the year, hello 2015.
Hope you all enjoyed your holidays with your loved ones. I sure did.

This year I plan on turning up the intensity to another level.

This weekend during my kickboxing class (finally got into that, super excited) my instructor said something that she might as well screamed directly into my ear: “It’s not what you do when you have energy, it’s how you push through when you get ti(red).”

It spoke volumes to me. One being that I was exhausted and wanted to stop but I pushed through, two it reminded me of all the things I don’t do when I’m ti(red).. Which then trigge(red) passages from the art of war this amazing book about resistance and distractions… And everything connected at that point.

I have to keep my form as straight as possible and connect every shot and jab, I can’t allow my lack of energy be the reason I can’t run on E.. It hit me, if I can give 100% when I’m exhausted, imagine how much more I can give when I’m fully charged and revved up.

I realize and am reminded many things on a daily basis.. I’m fully aware.

Life will drain you. I won’t allow it to keep me down to the point I can’t create or work on anything I choose to.

I’m working though, it finally sunk in what I have been doing wrong, to me… And several conclusions were made which resulted in solutions that I will put into effect, some have already been put in motion.. Very excited.

I’m in a good positive place, although mentally I go back and forth in heated debates often.. Negativity has minimal say.. It’s more constructive criticism, it’s more of just balancing everything out. Looking at both sides and all corners just to ensure that I’m solid.

This is the first quarter, to many, but to me .. It’s the first half.

From here to June. It’s playoff time, giving everything my all and then some making sure I am on point every step of the way, and in the event I stumble, I will have my impeccable balance to keep me from falling.

Happy Monday, happy week, month, year …
Make the most of it for yourself.

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