Visuals pt. 5

Idk….

“We all don’t know, that’s why we aim to figure things out, ask questions, find answers.”

I exhale and stare at her, I think I know what’s holding me back, but I’m sca(red), I think. It’s weird, I guess maybe outsiders seem to all have a different view from me.. Their view is what I’m sca(red) of.

“Sca(red) their views could become reality?”

No their view is a reality, I’m sca(red) of it becoming MY reality. It’s like, I feel so rebellious. But I’m not forcing it, if anything I feel I’m forced to conform… I haven’t given in, I refuse to, but it’s draining me..

“You know what you have to do, don’t you?”

Yeah… I guess that’s what truly scares me, even more that I haven’t acted on it.

— It’s been a while since I’ve come to visit her, I said that the last time… And it bothers me. I love the clarity she brings, the tranquillity to truly understand the how, why and figure out the what in your life. Evolve more in you, no guessing who and she’s right there, never intruding but more of a guide who makes you feel like you did it all on your own, although you know damn well, she did that. But you feel good, you feel clear.. You see and speak truth.

The truth that is clouded so casually in our daily lives, some of us are so fortunate to have the clarity of truth at all times, bless you. Soon I’ll make it there, for now, thankfully I have her. But let’s get back to the session..

We’re sitting in her bar as she mixes us drinks, always something different with her.. “Why not?” I don’t mind she’s yet to make a bad combo, it seems like she truly has all the answers..

You really have all the answers..

“I just like to ask questions, it’s like digging. Eventually you get it..”

You don’t ever ti(red) of digging?
“do you?”
Touché.
I don’t get ti(red) but I get weird the deeper I dig, in a good way but I just wonder, how much deeper does it get?

“Makes you curious Huh? Keeps you up at night?”

I laugh, yeah. You know it does.

“You torture yourself knowing and not taking the leap you want, you’re so close to the edge… You can see it, just jump… I promise you’ll sleep better.”

I curl my lips, sip my cup, look at her, yes Sensei, I bow my head.. You know best.
We laugh.
But no seriously.
She really does know best. When you look in the mirror, you know who you really are. For someone to see what you see, everything you see.. When you look in the mirror, and mirror that to you, it doesn’t get any realer. It’s rare in these times… we as humans are at war with facing ourselves, first, and then with each other, and only because of the first is the second one even possible: she taught me that…

Speaking of, how’s everything?
“Everything is well, I feel great and you?”

I pause to see if she’ll say anything else, she winks .. I shake my head, I’m well, everything is great. Ima nervous wreck though.

“Aren’t we all?”

As our session progressed, I felt so relieved, she probed and pulled at my soul, it was like a deep tissue massage… Firm, slightly painful but in the end, you feel relaxed and somewhat free, somehow more fluid.

I realized, we are all nervous wrecks, the more intense are wrecking balls.. I saw how true the phrase, ‘the world is your reflection’ really is. Idk if I was high, or just feeling all around good but the way that reality set in was amazing… Even amazing doesn’t begin to cover how deeply things started to resonate. And just like clock work.

*alarm rings*

Do we really need that annoying ass alarm?
She laughs, “you know what happens when we don’t use it”

What’s a couple extra hours? I joke, but I know, we do get carried away with no alarm… there’s no clock, no calendar, shit even HER phone is off. Not on silent. No vibrate. Off. She doesn’t play that here, she feels the connection to outside always leaves us outside, when we need to go inside the most. And by inside she means within us. That’s why I come here… She takes it so seriously, you feel compelled to do the same and it’s always subconsciously.. Yet you’re conscious every minute of it.

What time is it?

For the other visual parts click here and here … In that order.

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13.

Happy Friday.

I’m so excited.

I feel amazing, I’m exhausted physically but spiritually I’m revved up. I’m anxious to show my hand.
Time has been working with me, or I’m just getting better with precision, either way I’m happy.

I’m happy I’m healthy and for the most part, sane… I’m happy of the work I’m doing, I’m looking at this as if it already happened and God damn, I’m an ill bitch. Pure genius. When it all unfolds and settles in, I’ll be fucking ecstatic.

I’m putting everything I have into my dream life. The life I feel I deserve, although I haven’t put in all the work to deserve it, I’m still working. The work alone brings me joyyyy. Like all these ideas and strategies that occur to me at all times, just reminds me of who I truly am.

A creator.

I must express myself as such at all times.

As much as I don’t like attention I can’t let that be the reason I hold back. I feel owe it to my soul and this world to go alllll in…. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Today, 13 the lucky number.

Take full advantage of what you have deep within you, that’ll be the reason you’ll prosper… Just another reminder

I’m just rambling.

Shit real.

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Get it done.

Think of what you’re supposed to be doing, think of what you could be doing, what you want to be doing….. Why aren’t you doing it?

Why aren’t you setting up the plans to land you where you want/need to be?

Go get it.
Act. Make moves. Walk if you can’t run.

Little steps turn into big leaps..

I’ve been thinking, while I do everything else… I need to devote every waking moment to what it is I want to do in life, honestly, I’m not doing that .. I have a job that although it benefits me in several ways and ultimately is the funding support of my goal, it’s too time consuming and not directly allowing me to express and progress my craft.

I have to buy time.. I do the most with what I have now without breaking my back, but that’s not enough for me.

If it were up to me, I’d spend every waking moment working on my craft. I mean I try to do that now, but I mean undivided attention, no distractions, no interruptions type of focus is what I’m referring to. I’d lock myself in a room and only come out to put my work out and show face. But I can’t do that now, because I’m broke.

I won’t feel comfortable until I don’t have to worry about funds to a large extent, but then I think… Maybe I’m not supposed to be comfortable, maybe I’m just suppose to drop everything and dive in the ocean of my dreams and swim alll the way through to fruition island.

Idk, I just make moves while I think.
Everything will click when it needs to.

But just keep in mind,
Patience, persistence, practice and preservation are the key to your version of perfection.

It’s achievable. Anything is possible, you hear me? ANYTHING.

Time is what we create, yet if left unattended, it flashes before our eyes.

Remind yourself, to remind yourself, of all you know.

SHIT REAL.

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Psychology Projective Personality Test.

I like to ask these questions while I’m in social settings usually while high and it’s very interesting what you discover.

In psychology, a projective test is a personality test designed to let a person respond to ambiguous stimuli, presumably revealing hidden emotions and internal conflicts
instructions: read & respond to the questions; under the read more tab, there are “interpretations” to your responses. Do not look at the interpretations until you have completed each question.

1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. Who is with you?

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?

6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room, what do you see?

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?

8. What do you do with the cup?

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it?

10. How will you cross the water?

1. The people who you are walking in the woods with are the most important people in your life.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You’d prefer people not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.

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