“We all don’t know, that’s why we aim to figure things out, ask questions, find answers.”
I exhale and stare at her, I think I know what’s holding me back, but I’m sca(red), I think. It’s weird, I guess maybe outsiders seem to all have a different view from me.. Their view is what I’m sca(red) of.
“Sca(red) their views could become reality?”
No their view is a reality, I’m sca(red) of it becoming MY reality. It’s like, I feel so rebellious. But I’m not forcing it, if anything I feel I’m forced to conform… I haven’t given in, I refuse to, but it’s draining me..
“You know what you have to do, don’t you?”
Yeah… I guess that’s what truly scares me, even more that I haven’t acted on it.
— It’s been a while since I’ve come to visit her, I said that the last time… And it bothers me. I love the clarity she brings, the tranquillity to truly understand the how, why and figure out the what in your life. Evolve more in you, no guessing who and she’s right there, never intruding but more of a guide who makes you feel like you did it all on your own, although you know damn well, she did that. But you feel good, you feel clear.. You see and speak truth.
The truth that is clouded so casually in our daily lives, some of us are so fortunate to have the clarity of truth at all times, bless you. Soon I’ll make it there, for now, thankfully I have her. But let’s get back to the session..
We’re sitting in her bar as she mixes us drinks, always something different with her.. “Why not?” I don’t mind she’s yet to make a bad combo, it seems like she truly has all the answers..
You really have all the answers..
“I just like to ask questions, it’s like digging. Eventually you get it..”
You don’t ever ti(red) of digging?
I don’t get ti(red) but I get weird the deeper I dig, in a good way but I just wonder, how much deeper does it get?
“Makes you curious Huh? Keeps you up at night?”
I laugh, yeah. You know it does.
“You torture yourself knowing and not taking the leap you want, you’re so close to the edge… You can see it, just jump… I promise you’ll sleep better.”
I curl my lips, sip my cup, look at her, yes Sensei, I bow my head.. You know best.
But no seriously.
She really does know best. When you look in the mirror, you know who you really are. For someone to see what you see, everything you see.. When you look in the mirror, and mirror that to you, it doesn’t get any realer. It’s rare in these times… we as humans are at war with facing ourselves, first, and then with each other, and only because of the first is the second one even possible: she taught me that…
Speaking of, how’s everything?
“Everything is well, I feel great and you?”
I pause to see if she’ll say anything else, she winks .. I shake my head, I’m well, everything is great. Ima nervous wreck though.
“Aren’t we all?”
As our session progressed, I felt so relieved, she probed and pulled at my soul, it was like a deep tissue massage… Firm, slightly painful but in the end, you feel relaxed and somewhat free, somehow more fluid.
I realized, we are all nervous wrecks, the more intense are wrecking balls.. I saw how true the phrase, ‘the world is your reflection’ really is. Idk if I was high, or just feeling all around good but the way that reality set in was amazing… Even amazing doesn’t begin to cover how deeply things started to resonate. And just like clock work.
Do we really need that annoying ass alarm?
She laughs, “you know what happens when we don’t use it”
What’s a couple extra hours? I joke, but I know, we do get carried away with no alarm… there’s no clock, no calendar, shit even HER phone is off. Not on silent. No vibrate. Off. She doesn’t play that here, she feels the connection to outside always leaves us outside, when we need to go inside the most. And by inside she means within us. That’s why I come here… She takes it so seriously, you feel compelled to do the same and it’s always subconsciously.. Yet you’re conscious every minute of it.
What time is it?