Care. 

If you want a great insight trip, get in your zone and reflect on how you take care of your things… How much do you truly value your possessions? What do your possessions say about you? Over time what conditions are your possessions in? Are they still like brand new? Worn in? Dusty? Polished? Do you even care? Did you even notice? 

Now depending on which possession you’re thinking of, it will reveal several things. Like clothes would be one possession, gadgets another, accessories, games, and so on. Their value will vary but it still says a lot. 

How you value what you choose to posess and in the way you treat these things say how you are currently for the most part, this treatment no matter what it may be (neglect, avoidance, smothering, attentive, caring), is important to keep note of. For as you grow, that may change, and if it hasn’t changed.. Well you would be aware of that as well. And in those cases, where things haven’t changed, if the answer to the why isn’t somewhere along the lines of, ‘I’m happy with this’ then the conflict felt will evoke some answer searching… Unless you want to keep avoiding it, in that case, you’re a prisoner. But that’s neither here nor there.. 

Care. Caring. I reflect on how I choose to care, the way I care, and how can I express this better. 

See I want to be better. That’s a constant thought. A constant vision. Better in every way. I am human so I am flawed. That is inevitable. But what’s also inevitable is my desire to become the best human I can be, and to fulfill that.

So I think about the things I care about, or say I care about… I also think of what I don’t care about and how many of the things I don’t care for, people tend to be bothe(red) that I don’t care. Which is weird in itself.

I care more than I let on… but if you go by my actions it would appear I don’t. So in learning this, as I continuously step outside myself to reflect on who I am and what’s going on in the moment I’m choosing to reflect on… I noticed something. How I treat things and people during these times are noted subconsciously.. So in retrospect it’s clearer what these actions mean. 

I tend to act and then think, some may say that’s impulsive but I feel it’s more knowing myself.. I don’t like to fight how I feel… I’m just not always going to explain why I felt like doing something, not because shame or people knowing my reason.. If I did it, I wanted to and it’s never your business if I don’t care to make it so. That’s truly that simple. Sometimes, I haven’t assessed it throughly enough to speak on reasoning. But there is always a reason. 

What I just took my most recent reflection is that I have to first determine how much energy I have as a whole, I must find some way to measure it, to find this out allows me to determine how much energy is going into what, I feel how I treat certain things/people is a result of my energy level at our point of interaction. 

I am mentally drained often, but I have a lot of energy.. A lot of things require so much energy from me and I can feel it. Some times I don’t want to deal with some people because of the level of energy they require from me, and it’s not that I don’t want to be around them and they’re negatively draining me, no that’s rarely the case. 

….It’s just I have to mindful of how I’m spending my energy. 

I am very heavy with care and this passion of mine, I noticed this: 

  1. It takes a lot of energy to contain it on a daily basis, which in turn drains me and my care for other things are not so high in comparison to how much I truly care. 
  2. I must create more ways to eliminate the things that take the most energy but doesn’t give back the best return. (Draining)
  3. I have to be more conscious of how I choose to take care of my things.
  4. More mindful of how I express my care for others.
  5. How this all starts today. 

Energy can be recycled, but if it’s drained it’s just like time… Tomorrow you can try again. 

I aim to make the most of my 24hours, and of my energy (amount to be determined) and act accordingly. 

How you care does take energy, do you have enough left over after you attend to yourself? Do you even care enough to prioritize this, taking care of yourself first and foremost, to be better equipped to care for others and your possessions? 

It’s definitely something to think about, if you care. 

Shit real. 

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