I do not live in a pent house yet, but I have the mentality.
Before I can get to work, I must say this:
Shit is real.
I think I can do everything myself, I still do not know how to ask for help when I need it most.
I shut off, I close shop.. I isolate myself.
I feel a bit overwhelmed, lost, and reaching the breaking point to something new. I can feel that.
I feel all over the place.
My focus has multi focus and that’s cool but I still allow minuscule things to distract me, why? I’m searching for that now. I’m digging to see why I allow things to keep my mind off of what I need to be on top of, it’s a daily struggle.
My energy levels are unbalanced, I need to get that in order. It’s fucking with my spirit.
I yearn for something that I won’t speak of because I am the reason I don’t have it.
I am still mending myself from the damages I self inflicted.
I have to remind myself I need people. Despite my need to be self efficient, I know the type of people I need around me. I don’t have that quite yet. (No offense to those around me)
Patience is helpful but persistence seals the deal.
I have to stop fighting myself.
I have to make sure I organize myself well enough to express all I need to express as I need to.
I still refrain when I shouldn’t.
I deal with so much because I can’t truly get it out so I keep it all in.
My heart is heavy.
Even now it’s like I can’t even get it all out, I’m still assessing everything thrown my way.
I’m aware of the signs though.
The air is shifting which is allowing me to vent now, for later sense will be made and questions answe(red).
The reality of it is, I have a lot to do.
Shit just get realer.