Velcro.

There’s a word I’m fond of, yet it’s a tongue twister when I say it out loud.

Compartmentalize is the word.

.

A lot of people knows what this means internally, and a lot of others wonder about it… the ability to separate what needs to be separated; not all things are the same even when they’re equal. Compartmentalizing is what a lot of people lean on when giving those who are viewed as bad by popular vote vs what they create (think R. Kelly, we’ll get to the artist vs person theory later), a pass to still flourish.

I think about human nature a lot, as I continue to learn my own… I follow the evolution of people from my life as well as my own. You think about compartmentalizations (say it slowly) and how you’ve used it, then and now and how obvious it is when others are despite them saying they’re not. A lot of us has been a hypocrite at some point or another, and if you’re denying ever being that, you’re still delusional.

We say what we would do until it’s time to do… and when it’s time to do it, you see who is who.

Be you every single time.

This life of mine is a very interesting experience I am more intrigued and entertained living it. I’m not a “why me?”… I’m annoying, “what does this mean? … what is this telling me? What am I doing next?” With this mentality, I’m gaining awareness on a multitude of levels. It’s amazing really.

I really don’t know shit, and I know everything… One day I will be able to explain that.

How do you live a life detached but attached? How can you say you’re present in the moment, yet stuck in the past or future? The inability to compartmentalize is what keeps many people screaming, fuck feelings. And it’s like hold on holiday, let’s bring it back… it’s not your feelings you’re upset with, it’s your form of attachment and the consequences you have to endure when it’s time to detach, and it’s always by force or some traumatic ass experience bc you wouldn’t detach when it was time to go.

It’s always time to go, and you gotta be like Velcro. Quick and swift, when we were attached, it was all that… peel it back like Velcro when it’s time to go and it’s smooth sailing. (I assume the detachment of Velcro is way more soothing than detaching a band-aid off your skin, textures are different… anyway)

Compartmentalizing are reserved for sociopaths it seems, I’m being dramatic but emotionally this sounds wild, many people can’t control one emotion, how the hell are they going to control multiple emotions while separating them? It doesn’t add up to most… I get it, I think.

If you believe our complexity in our biological build, why would emotions be anything but simple? Why do we have no problem compartmentalizing our thoughts, vision cabinet and organized filing categorized by preference and importance.. we all have done it.

Now I can spin off into a whole tangent about emotions and hope y’all would feel me (there go the word hope again, it has such a condensing taste to me now.. yuck), but I know deep down you still might not no matter how hard you feel it… I’m okay with that.

Learn your feelings, love them, express them in multiple ways, and find your ability to detach just as smooth as when you latch on. The beauty of life is the ability to move through it, emotion… energy in motion. Understand your motion. Your timing is not mine and vice versa… we must remember that energy shifts in motion when we become so stunned we stubbornly stop. Keep going. The timing is always perfect, who cares what could’ve or should’ve been, it wasn’t. It was what it was… chalk up the reality as an L for thinking you knew better… now you know. Lesson learned. There were more lessons in the reality than the fantasy. That’s facts.

We are constantly tested by every aspect of life, CONSTANTLY (Dexter St. jock voice)! Everything you learn, will be tested for growth, are you growing? That’s what matters most.

Are you growing?

Can you separate the wants vs need.. what you think vs what you feel… What you have vs what you lack? Can you throw your emotions out on the floor and begin to sort out what stays and what’s done served its purpose? Are you able to really be happy despite how what makes you happy, are viewed by others? (Even when you don’t care what people think, the societal views definitely factors in how loud or quiet we are about our not so accepted happy ways.)

People fuck with R. Kelly ignoring his rapist ways because he made them feel something they do not want to detach from. His music has created memories, babies, families, saved lives if I wanna stretch, it wouldn’t be so far. Yet he rapes and manipulates young lost women and is walking the streets.. That man is really a rapist.. that my friend, is the impact of compartmentalization. There are so many examples how many of us use compartmentalizing as a vessel to express hypocrisy … so imagine what we can do with such organization to progress instead of deflecting?

Separating emotions not to justify rather to simplify how to keep it moving.

You can’t move if you’re stuck, gotta detach like Velcro and keep it going.

The thing about compartmentalism is, everything connects to the bigger picture, in the end, just gotta keep certain aspects of it apart until the time comes.

Shit real.

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My first 30 days as a parent.

Day 48… I think, maybe it’s day 50. Eh you get it.

My whole life has changeddd, since you came in…” (ginuwine voice)

The reality of parenting is slowly sinking in. Shit is realer than its ever been. I’m so obsessed and in love with this beautiful alert baby girl. I’m learning and adjusting and so far this is awesome. My baby is perfect for me, she’s making this transition so easy and fun (as fun as a newborn can be). And of course, I’ve been in deep thought.

I’m absorbing and observing this experience while flooding my mind with all I know of parenting styles. Using how I was raised, friends and family were raised as a study guide; mixing my working experience with young children as well my own research and child development classes during my time in school. Times are so different, yet not much has changed. I think of how our parents were taught to care for kids, and as grateful as I am for my upbringing, I notice what they didn’t do. That’s just as important as what they did do. See I don’t blame our parents for what they didn’t do, most of them didn’t know any better.. we do though.

I never want to forget what it felt like to be a child, I want to always keep a strong healthy progressive relationship with my daughter. I am so fucking excited and hono(red) to be her mom like woah, this is mind-blowing.

The moment it settled in that I was having my baby I felt ready, yet holding her in my arms, getting up in the middle of the night for diaper changes and feedings, I feel for certain this was the perfect time for me. She’s so alert already, I am thrilled to be the one responsible for how she grows and how she helps me grow as well.

I won’t lie I’m a little nervous, this is a whole human life, I don’t want to fuck her up. I see my generation, many are lost and confused in a self-detrimental spiral to their demise. Granted, some of their parents did all the “right” things, yet somehow they still lost themselves trying to find themselves… I want to ensure my daughter knows herself even when she is looking for who that is on the deepest level. I want to instill valuable qualities that build her up to be the best version of herself, whoever that may be and know through every stage, I’m always there to support and nurture the growth. Giving her the opportunities to enjoy each stage of her life and embedding gratitude for every moment, hoping she doesn’t fall victim to wanting to grow up so fast.. wanting to fit in, wanting love and reasons to live. How will I go about that will come to me as clear as her developing personality when it shines through.

I want to be the best leading example.

Knowing she’s looking up to me has my whole mentality on another level, it’s beyond a mirror. Your child reflects everything you are in their own way… amazing stuff really. I aim to stay true to my dreams, showing her how reality is as flexible as her imagination (& with today’s technology, it’s not too far off). This era is golden if you use it right, yes there’s so much negativity and danger on this earth, and I will make her aware of it, as well as prepa(red) to handle it in a healthy manner. She will learn to reflect and analyze… rather than to cry and dwell. Life is beautiful, we must give the energy towards what we desire and are already grateful for.

I also look forward to the times where she’ll learn who I am as a woman. I’m 27, I’m relatively young, full of life and wonderment. I am a woman first, mother second.. if it wasn’t for the first, I wouldn’t be a mother. I want to embrace my new level of womanhood and all its glory, being the best and honest role model. I want my daughter to take on my sense of pride in womanhood and morality in being true to who you are as serious as I do, even more now that she’s here.

I wonder how parenting is going to continue to shape me, and her especially… this lifetime journey is so exciting and I pray this high doesn’t fade. Most of the warnings I’ve received about the newborn stage, has proven to be false with my baby.. it’s rather pleasant to be honest. So we’ll see how it continues to plays out, above all I’m very grateful.

Shit is real.

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