Sweetheart,

We hardly talk, I’ve been doing my thang… I know I’ve been foul baby, ay bay, lately you’ve been all on my brain … Yes Ye.

Helllo WordPress. I’ve been running, and while I have the clarity I might as well speak as I catch my second wind.

Time has always been my teacher, I’m always fascinated at the lessons, homework, tests and experiences time provides me with.

Time is relative. To everything.

Read that twice, maybe three times if you have to.

I’m learning what time means to me in spirit, is different from what it means to me in flesh….. Which explains my wisdom. Physically not much time has gone by, I’m only 24…. But my soul and mind has experienced eternities I could never put into words. 

What does this mean?

Everything and nothing.

When I realized how time differs internally and externally…. I started moving different….I’m a bit faster… But I gotta catch my breath. I gotta let time keep up with me just as much as I’m keeping up with it.

Its confusing at first but the deeper you play with time, reflecting on past, present and future.. Living, reliving and analyzing… Taking note of it all, shit starts to click.

Its a pattern.

We as humans become so emotionally invested in each interaction with time … We become so engulfed in the experience we don’t pay attention to what’s important…

The fact that its happening. Whether good or bad. It’s happening. It happened. We get so worked up with WHY is this happening, when why is ALWAYS revealed later, when the timing is right …. Correct me if I’m wrong.

What’s important is, how is this happening to me? …. What is exactly happening ? Who did I give the power to make this happen? … And apply that to past experiences, you know so clearly now. Apply that to current ones, your perspective automatically changes…. When you rephrase your questioning of time’s circumstantial placement for you… You see more why than if you literally asked why? …. Like a teacher, time gonna show you how, who, what and where, … Why is all of the above. That’s why.

That’s really why.

We go through shit because we have to … Its apart of our journey, our path to wherever our soul desires. Time is what we make it, to measure it is cutting it short.

We focus on the wrong things..

Time is a teacher, who doesn’t cater to our childish tendencies… Stern with discipline to master patience… Wisdom is only attained with experience… Time provides you with every experience you NEED to better you…. How fucking lucky are we really?? We just think of what we want to, learn, embody … Life will call on time…. And walllllllahhh BOOM! You got it. The people, the scenery, the ambience requi(red) to make this moment here, possible. All you have to do is LIVE THROUGH IT.

Bitch, you better get the fucking jewels.

TIME NOT FUCKING AROUND.

the finals come sooner than you think, and the test will be your life…. How well will you know it? What will you have to show for it?

Don’t get caught slipping, they don’t want you to value time and all its lessons.

Shit real… And I’m just rambling.

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Free thoughts

I’m attentive … I’m calm.
But I’m drained.

I’m ti(red) of containing myself …
I have to do so while I lay down my foundation and create the balance I so deeply yearn…
But its tiring.

I’m ti(red) of having to be closed and distant, contained and restrained. So what this tells me… I must move quicker. I must become stronger to utilize my energy and all I have to do and still be able to feel free at all times.

Shit is real.

October is slipping by.

Keep focus.

Keep going.

Get your rest and do what you gotta do.
Despite this petty nuisance, I am in a good space.. Creating a better space

I’m learning, I’m grateful and for the most part … I am at peace. Thankfully.

I have too much up my sleeve for release … Gotta keep an eye on the clock.

Its only a matter of time…. All in due time.

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September.

Its the first of the month yallll!
A full 30 days this month.
How you gonna act?

…… We got three months left of the year. Fourth quarter is here.

So here’s the plan.
Focus on a goal for the month. ONLY.
Clear your mind.
Remove distractions.
Remember to remember.

My problem, I have too many things I feel I have to focus on … And that’s not realistic right now. So I’m picking one clear goal for this month and attacking all the way through. Now, my approach may differ from yours as even our goals may vary … But that doesn’t matter, what matters is we remain focused, resilient, and consistent with our effort, on a daily basis. Set reminders, vision boards, calendar list, whatever the fuck you need to be reminded of what it is you’re after, for some reason… It’s easy to forget, get side tracked. Go extra hard to stay on track.

Alot can happen in 30 days.

I want what you want for yourself as bad as what I want for me. And its badddddd.

So…. Let’s get this show on the fucking road. Shit real. Don’t act like you forgot.
Who call the shots?

Shot clock ticking. 
Don’t wait until the end of the year to look at the scoreboard.

Do what you gotta do to remind yourself, nobody built like you… You designed yourself.

Your life. Your choice.

Shit just get realer.

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Money money money munneyy

The smartest thing I could have done was not get direct deposit. Only deposit whatever amount I may need for debit purchases (online) now before I would do direct deposit for the convenience but I would swipe swipe my ass broke. I would withdraw here and there and not keeping tabs on how much money I’m spending … I’m broke. I need to be aware of where every dollar goes, to ensure its being used for my progression and happiness.

I’ve been educating myself on money and taking notes from my studies to be financially responsible.

I’m not cheap, but I can’t spend freely like I’m at my billionaire status when I’m not there yet. But I can budget better, I can be more conscious and think long term fiscally like I do for my everyday life..

I do not care for money. I just care for what I can do with it. So I’ll spend like I know I’m going to make it back, and I always do … But its not what you make, it’s what you keep, and, what that does for you.

Warren buffet said, until you manage your emotions, do not expect to manage money.

That shit echoed for the longest cause I knew I was still learning how to manage my emotions and my nonchalant behavior makes it seem like I know how to manage my emotions, but I’m not all the way there yet, I just am very good at managing my outburst and when/how I choose to express it which is different but that’s another topic for another blog post.

But back to money.

I’m on the tightest budget I’ve been on ever and I’m surprisingly happy about it. When I had more money I spend more stupidly and now that I have to tighten up for all the right reasons this gives me a chance to really get it right, once and for all.  If I can finesse small, there’s no limit to how I can finesse.

I cash out, and physically look at my money and divide what I need from what I want and its working so far, I feel different. I’m still new at this but I’m focused and am determined. For many reasons.

Look at your relationship with money, what does it tell you? How do you spend, save? Do you even save? What does money mean to you? What does it do for you? Are you a slave to money or do you have a tight grip on the reigns? If a slave are you willing to do what it takes to change your role?

Shit real.

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Mind:Body 

Your body is directly correlated to your mind, the body is the servant to the mind.

Clean mind, clean body. 

If you want to be honest with what shape your mind is in, look at your body, examine your health.. How do you feel in your body? Are you comfortable? Disgusted? Proud? Ashamed? Think of your mindstate. 

I completely let myself go in college, I reached my heaviest, and I only noticed once I felt sluggish and by then it was too late.. I was big as shit (okay not so big but for my frame, yes I was huge). I was so consumed with exploring my mind I didn’t realize how neglectful I was to my body.. I was eating like crazy because exploring your mind is exhausting and you need all the fuel you can get, not to mention in college you’re not even eating healthy because who has time for that? Not I said my Garfield self. 

It was bad enough I would get so lost up in my mind that I was ignoring my body but having to carry that extra weight along with the mental weight I was dealing with left me exhausted, no matter how much sleep I got, it was never enough. But I wanted to change, I wanted to feel light, aerodynamic.. I wanted to have my body in the best shape to keep up with my mind, running marathons and barely losing my breath. I wanted to shed the sluggish feeling. I wanted to eat better, feel better overall. So I got to it, it was hard, shit it’s still hard but now 3 years later I’m way lighter and more agile.. I still haven’t caught up to my mind but I don’t stop practicing. 

Right now, I can see how better off I am I can feel it. I get ti(red), but I’m not exhausted.. I can quickly choose a healthy alternative when it comes to eating with no second guessing. I am able to endure more and my mind is a bit at ease. 

But I’m not done, there’s no stopping. You just stop for a second to get your second wind and reflect on how far you’ve come and how much you actually got done when you thought you weren’t doing much. It’s the little adjustments that make such big differences. 

I realized how important the mind:body connection is. And no matter how good one is, if the other isn’t reflective of that, it’s not right. It’s not real. We hide well, humans have a thing for that. So a person can look good (could be surgery) physically but mentally they aren’t attending to their mind like they do their body .. What good is your body if your mind: the director, the guide, isn’t able to properly function to help your body push you to your greatness. 

Same thing if it were the other way around. My mind was good, but it was only when I started taking better care of my body that my mind really started to shine, and I polish that because I know how important the mind is. And my body as its servant must be able to assist my mind in all aspects. 

It’s definitely not going to be easy.. But the desire to live better and be better makes it worth the journey.. 

You’re not going to be 100% successful starting out, but when you fall off the wagon, you dust yourself off and get back at it. The key is to not give up, be realistic with your goal and your current way of living. Explore all health options and customize a diet and exercise that fits YOU and your NEEDS. 

The amazing thing about perfecting your mind:body connection is the same thought process is applicable to life and your desires. But first you must have your mind:body in order or you’ll always fuck up and set yourself back. 

Think of times you didn’t get stuff done because of lack of energy or your body wasn’t as responsive as your mind so that delay set you back .. Or your body was responsive but your mind took a bit longer than usual to pick up on what was going on.. It happens, I’m sure it has happened, and it will continue to happen as long as our mind:body connection isn’t right.. Just think about it. If the thought alone drains you, I think you know what to do.

Shit real. 

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Care. 

If you want a great insight trip, get in your zone and reflect on how you take care of your things… How much do you truly value your possessions? What do your possessions say about you? Over time what conditions are your possessions in? Are they still like brand new? Worn in? Dusty? Polished? Do you even care? Did you even notice? 

Now depending on which possession you’re thinking of, it will reveal several things. Like clothes would be one possession, gadgets another, accessories, games, and so on. Their value will vary but it still says a lot. 

How you value what you choose to posess and in the way you treat these things say how you are currently for the most part, this treatment no matter what it may be (neglect, avoidance, smothering, attentive, caring), is important to keep note of. For as you grow, that may change, and if it hasn’t changed.. Well you would be aware of that as well. And in those cases, where things haven’t changed, if the answer to the why isn’t somewhere along the lines of, ‘I’m happy with this’ then the conflict felt will evoke some answer searching… Unless you want to keep avoiding it, in that case, you’re a prisoner. But that’s neither here nor there.. 

Care. Caring. I reflect on how I choose to care, the way I care, and how can I express this better. 

See I want to be better. That’s a constant thought. A constant vision. Better in every way. I am human so I am flawed. That is inevitable. But what’s also inevitable is my desire to become the best human I can be, and to fulfill that.

So I think about the things I care about, or say I care about… I also think of what I don’t care about and how many of the things I don’t care for, people tend to be bothe(red) that I don’t care. Which is weird in itself.

I care more than I let on… but if you go by my actions it would appear I don’t. So in learning this, as I continuously step outside myself to reflect on who I am and what’s going on in the moment I’m choosing to reflect on… I noticed something. How I treat things and people during these times are noted subconsciously.. So in retrospect it’s clearer what these actions mean. 

I tend to act and then think, some may say that’s impulsive but I feel it’s more knowing myself.. I don’t like to fight how I feel… I’m just not always going to explain why I felt like doing something, not because shame or people knowing my reason.. If I did it, I wanted to and it’s never your business if I don’t care to make it so. That’s truly that simple. Sometimes, I haven’t assessed it throughly enough to speak on reasoning. But there is always a reason. 

What I just took my most recent reflection is that I have to first determine how much energy I have as a whole, I must find some way to measure it, to find this out allows me to determine how much energy is going into what, I feel how I treat certain things/people is a result of my energy level at our point of interaction. 

I am mentally drained often, but I have a lot of energy.. A lot of things require so much energy from me and I can feel it. Some times I don’t want to deal with some people because of the level of energy they require from me, and it’s not that I don’t want to be around them and they’re negatively draining me, no that’s rarely the case. 

….It’s just I have to mindful of how I’m spending my energy. 

I am very heavy with care and this passion of mine, I noticed this: 

  1. It takes a lot of energy to contain it on a daily basis, which in turn drains me and my care for other things are not so high in comparison to how much I truly care. 
  2. I must create more ways to eliminate the things that take the most energy but doesn’t give back the best return. (Draining)
  3. I have to be more conscious of how I choose to take care of my things.
  4. More mindful of how I express my care for others.
  5. How this all starts today. 

Energy can be recycled, but if it’s drained it’s just like time… Tomorrow you can try again. 

I aim to make the most of my 24hours, and of my energy (amount to be determined) and act accordingly. 

How you care does take energy, do you have enough left over after you attend to yourself? Do you even care enough to prioritize this, taking care of yourself first and foremost, to be better equipped to care for others and your possessions? 

It’s definitely something to think about, if you care. 

Shit real. 

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It’s funny how…

You see I have a different type of humor, this is a sick world we live in, on many levels. So you must keep your eyes on the prize and all the signs that make shit a joke. 

Cause it’s funny how, in retrospect it all makes sense right? 

Silly us? How didn’t we see it? 

If only we looked back more often.. But not so often, we get stuck in the past and prevent progression.. Cause that’s just stupid, and we’re smart. We get the jokes, you hear the laughs, the ego boosts and killers all at once. We’re aware. We make jokes, but God and life are in on the biggest joke. You. 

You think about what you want all day and don’t even reaLize how the universe is actually working with you… You’re too caught up in your mind in the moment. But in retrospect, ohhh it alllll makes sense. Sometimes it’s too late and we’re all filled with those regrets. But don’t fret, the joke is you can do it again, life keeps moving even when your mind is in slow motion… Lucky for us it spins.. What goes around comes right back. And we see this all in retrospect. 

It really all makes sense. 

So as I think about that, signs and time.  

And how we are NOT in charge of that alignment. At all. Seriously think about all the times you tried to force your alignment of things and how many times that worked….. Now compare it when you went with the flow because you felt it was right and notice how many times that worked out even better than you anticipated. 

You see the joke? 

You don’t find that funny? 

How we as humans still try to force things because we think we know everything. We don’t know shit. That’s the biggest joke. We claim we do but we never really know until.. Yup, you guessed it. Retrospect. 

I just think it’s funny how some shit just clicked in my mind and ironically it was a mini retrospect. And it hit me, when you constantly reassess why you’re doing what you’re doing you notice more opportunities than disadvantages. 

The opportunities are like signs from the universe telling you, IM LISTENING.  GO AHEAD. 

If you ignore that regularly, you probably won’t find that funny.

Shit is real. 

But as usual, I’m just rambling. 

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