God Bless America.

What a fucked up world we live in..

I’m disgusted with this country and us as people… The events of last night regarding Mike Brown Vs Darren Wilson in ferguson were not surprising but not any less upsetting. Last night, yet another hawk spit in the face of our people. To sit there and attempt to justify why murdering an unarmed man is okay while hiding a smirk on your face is just disgusting on so many levels .. I’m sick of this country and their bullshit ways .. it’s just a fucking shame…

I’m ashamed to say I’m an American.

My mom would say, there’s no such thing as hell… We’re living in it. And boy is she right.

This is hell. This is a country where principles are built off lies and illusion.. We live in a fucking bubble.
By no means necessary am I racist, but let’s call a spade a spade… This system was built to benefit those of the white roots.

What kills me is how far we were led to believe we’ve come in equality just to be bitch slapped back to reality…. On numerous occasions, even our own fucking president is mocked and ridiculed in subtle (sometimes obvious) ways to remind us… We are not conside(red) equal. Our rights as minorities mean nothing against the rights of the “majority” in law.

What I don’t understand, and please if anybody can clarify this for me.. Do so. I’ll be more than grateful cause this has been fucking with my mind for the longest…

You have a kid, lets call him white, who was raised in the “ideal manner” both parents, good education, financially comfortable… More than likely very well aware of the morality code of right and wrong.

You have another kid lets call him black, who was raised in poverty and the “ideal dysfunctional manner” one or no parent around.. Hardly elementary education .. Very distorted on what’s right or wrong ..

Why is that white can shoot up a school because he was ridiculed.. Assault officers, but still be taken into custody, alive … Only to head to trial to be seen as mentally disturbed? How is he mentally disturbed? Does he not know right from wrong? Was he not “raised properly” shouldn’t he know better? Why would we give the fully aware, the conscious, the easy way out? Doesn’t that make him the real monster? Despite knowing right from wrong, you chose to do wrong? To label him mentally disturbed means that he’s not conscious of being responsible for his actions? Who raises their child without self accountability?? Especially in “privileged” households.. Why wouldn’t he be punished to the full extent of the law? I feel too much leniency is put on cases similar to white bc no one wants to admit they fucked up as parents, and they must protect their own…

The numbers are rising… Rapidly. Soon enough the majority will become the minority… I feel that’s what they fear most.

You have black who was raised in poverty and only knows how to do wrong to try to make shit right, the intent is never evil.. More of a means for survival .. Black doesn’t know any better.. Right and wrong isn’t taught in poverty, that’s something that’s picked up usually way later on in life depending on circumstances.. So black could get into altercation where his life is being threatened and he won’t make it to trial because a cop would’ve killed him before he even had a chance to share his view of what happened… And in these circumstances, where the lines are blur(red) between what’s morally right or wrong and an unwritten set of street codes fill its place.. Isn’t black mentally disturbed? Shouldn’t we be more lenient towards the ignorant? If you don’t know better, how can you do better? Why not work on bettering black instead of throwing the fucking book at a kid who doesn’t know how to read between the lines of what’s conside(red) right or wrong?

By no means am I trying to justify crime in poverty, of course there’s a lot of work to be done in our communities.. But how can we build our communities up when we’re fighting a bigger battle? The battle that won’t allow us to build up our communities.. I don’t feel the justice system is fair to both sides of the social fence, it’s only more about race because most of the whites, are on the other side of the fence… The fence with benefits and a plethora of benefit of doubts are flowing through..

It’s upsetting for me cause the playing field is not leveled at all.. And there’s this anger within all of us who feel so strongly about this. It is justified, how we release it may not be, but I rather it be released now than to continue repressing it. Repression has never done anyone good.. The fact that we can see clearly that the jig is up and has been up for a while doesn’t stop the outsiders from trying to make us believe that shit is okay.. This is the way things should be. Get the fuck outta here. Insulting our intelligence every chance they get.

What does equality mean when your skin tone, is conside(red) a threat?

What is justice when those who are supposed to protect us, fear us?

Where is the voice for our people??

Now I know celebrities don’t have much power as far as government is concerned, but they have a voice.. They can do endorsements for big bucks but can’t speak up on inequality to bring awareness.. It’s disappointing. the ice bucket challenge had all celebrities freezing for a disease they can’t pronounce (no disrespect to those with that condition) but when it comes to their own people dying real deaths and social wars, they’re silent. Not a peep out of them. And it’s like, is the game that deep that you must bite your tongue to keep your cushy lifestyle? You don’t wanna upset your puppet master? It’s just frustrating to me bc I know we can overthrow this whole fucked up structure.

Maybe I’m naive, but I truly believe as people we can unite, in a militant manner and get shit done…
But the fear is too real, too many are sca(red) of what might happen shall we rebel intellectually and strategically … I’m afraid of what will happen if we don’t.

I’m a nobody, my voice holds no weight as of yet… Well what I consider weight anyway but that’s not gonna stop me from speaking my opinion… I won’t stop listening either, expanding the knowledge requi(red) and hoping I can reach others and unite together to make a serious change… The fact of the matter is we can say what we feel, but if we don’t do anything.. We might as well not say anything…

I can’t tell you what I feel is the right approach for creating the change we need in this country.. But what I can say, is all of us united, logically open-minded and educated on the topic at hand.. We can form solutions, we can plan the change, we can execute change as long as we’re united for the same cause.. Equality. Too many aren’t willing to step up to the plate to make shit happen, fear of what they might lose… I don’t know much but I do know, you sit this one out you won’t gain any more than what you have now, if what you have now isn’t taken away.. You just never know with this country.

Land of the free? Ha.

Shit is real.

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Death.

My teas gone cold I’m wondering why… I gotta out of bed at all, the morning rain clouds up my window.. And I can’t see at all.

Goood morning.
It’s Monday. I had an amazing weekend as far as relaxation and good company is concerned. Thanksgiving is on Thursdayyyy yes. Great food, family, love and liquor .. Can’t forget my herbs. can’t wait.

I don’t have a fear of death .. I used to, naturally we’re taught to fear it mainly because we don’t know where we go, (the fact that living people try to push this heaven and hell theory but never died is irrelevant to me) .. Until we die we don’t have any clear solid proof of where we go… But that shouldn’t scare us, if that’s the case.. We should fear life as well.. We have no clue where life will take us, yes to a large extent we can shape, mold our lives into what we want.. But that’s just including everything life throws our way.. We just swing with it.

I think about life, and how death is inevitable.. The last stop on this earth train… I think about how before I opened my eyes for the first time, my memory is blank on what I was before I ente(red) this body… I think about how the sun too, will die (millions of years from now but still) … And our entire existence as we know will cease to exist … It’ll be like we were never here. So are we really here?

What’s the point of all this then? Why go hard to live and love, why bother if it’s all gonna be left behind us once we leave this greenish earth?

Because we’re here NOW.

And now is all that matters. Granted our actions now will mold the future we see shall we live to see another day. That’s why NOW is so important. It’s all we have in a sense, the past is behind us never to he retrieved again… The future a maybe, only there if we make it through the now.

You would think my acceptance of death will steer me astray to alll I plan to achieve but nope it’s more of an incentive, because I’m going to die I want to live… I want to live and build things and people that will last long after I leave… I want my death, to carry my legacy in a way my life couldn’t. To reach those not born yet.. To reach those who are dead within, all those I can’t reach in my lifetime.

We’re dead much longer than we’re alive.. With that in mind I want my life to mean no more to anyone than it does to me. Everyday I awaken blessed and grateful of all I have, all I am and what’s coming to me.. I work towards my ideal life with a smile knowing that in a millisecond… All of this could be over. I could be crossing over to the next realm.. To my next phase in creation, I believe spirits travel.. To where, only one way we’ll know for sure ..

Sometimes I get the anxious nature like I’m running out of time and others I feel I have alll the time in the world.. I don’t want to die young physically.. I’ll be young forever in spirit. But I would love to reach old age, have great grandkids and school them on life over tea and some weed.. That’s ideal for me, but will it be real?

Only time will tell.

Shit real.

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Discipline.

The word for the day, the month, the rest of my life until I master it is .. DISCIPLINE.

I have horrible discipline. Okay maybe, I’m exaggerating just a bit but Ive battled with discipline for so long… I have it when I need it, but not where I need it most.. Which is annoying but, MY fault.

So I’m pushing and forcing myself to break out of that rebellious nature when it comes to discipline.

I’m too old to be this stubborn.

I have a great sense of self-control but I let myself slide with a lot that EYE know I shouldn’t let myself ease up on… But with experience comes wisdom no?

And wisdom is just applying experience to better your life no?

So I better get to applying.. Time certainly is ticking.

I don’t want to become the old dog who can’t learn new tricks..

There’s ideal habits and routines that I feel I need, I’ve been slowly working on integrating them into my life while shaking and breaking hazardous habits… All in due time.

I’m making progress, so I won’t belittle the process but my main thing is consistency. Maintaining that pattern to continuous betterment of me.

Shit real.

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