Woooo! 

K lo k, dimelo.. Wass happenin? 

Shit real or nah? 

You know it is. 

5 planets in retrograde, so the energy is definitely different.. The orbit of our solar system affect us directly in multiple ways.. Many of us are dumb to think we are above the orbit. Smh we are orbits… Funny how sometimes we go into our own personal retrograde, shit gets real then. And shit real now. 

I’m feeling good though, continuing to test out theories and push my progression. 

I love that I am able to be completely honest with myself even when that means revealing how I am wrong. That’s right to me! To face the error in your ways, despite it proving you were deluded or wrong, makes you right. You know this. 

Act accordingly. 

We do not have to explain ourselves to anyone verbally, we must however always explain in action. Action is what seals right and wrong. Progressive or destructive. 

We must be impeccable with our word, our daily word. 

You don’t keep your word, you lied. 

We can’t tell these form of lies, which in turn weaken our power. We speak of things we don’t ACT on. When your actions speak for you, why talk? Stfu. 

Shut up. Just keep moving. Say less. 

Do more. 

24hours in a day, 168 in a week… How you breaking it up? 

See halftime coming, and shit is clicking. Half of the year will be up… What have you done? What are you doing? What the fuck are you waiting for? 

Remind yourself what it is you want, who it is you are. 

Who you want to be is who you are, the only thing stopping you is who you are today.. Levels to fruition with desire. Stop doubting yourself. 

Literally you have nothing to lose! Nothing!! Worst case scenario you fall short? You’re one step closer. Best case scenario, you’re further than you envisioned. 

Ask yourself, guide yourself. Consult with yourself. You deserve to enjoy the life you live. Get your shit together, mind your business and stay hydrated. 

Summer approaches us, another season.. 

You become what you think about, what’s really on your mind?? 

Sidebar: dweling on your “misfortunes” is a waste of time after the lesson is learned, half of that lesson is ALWAYS, move on, it could’ve been worse. Be grateful to experience the pain.. As odd as that may sound, to feel is a blessing and the pain is just a price we pay in exchange for all the joy and bliss we do experience.. The calm and peace are cherished because of chaos and desperation.. Keep that in mind. Life will never be fair in the way we want it, life is fair by not caring at all. It’s going to happen, whether it’s pleasurable or painful. Accepting that eases the confusion and saves you time. Take the gems, keep going. Time is a factor. Moving forward is a must. 

Shit real… I got work to do. 

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No fool..

2nd quarter is here. 

The next three months are crucial. 

I’m going to take my approach to another level I have many things for May planned and literally less than a month to flex, so let’s go. Let’s get it moving. 

I’m still feeling so weird. But I must prove to myself this is it. 

Halftime is 2months away 

Shit real. 

Don’t be a fool and think you have all the time in the world, while you’re dreaming. 

Action overrides intent. 

It doesn’t matter what you intended, it doesn’t matter what was supposed to happen, what happened is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Let’s be smart and wise about life and ourselves, first and foremost. Shit gets realer and we must remain diligent with our discipline. 

I will master this. 

Practice while I preach, long winded, for longevity. 

I do what I want… What do I really want? 

Time to find out. 

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March MADNESS! 

I am in great spirit. I know you can feeeeeel the vibes. 

First quarter was a bit rough, had to come to terms and flex a bit on a few aspects of my life. I withdrew from everything and dug deeper than the last time.. 

I am now ready for this second quarter. 

We are in March. 

March – April – May 

June is half time.  (6/12)

The irony that it’s also my birthday. 

(25 on the 10th) 

Shit is real. 

The first quarter help prep me for this second coming of Cris* it has already started off smoothly, and will continue to roll out as such. I’m taking a trip this week, and it will be everything I need. 

I’m so aware, it’s nerve wrecking. I’m calming myself and maintaining that sense of cool.. By reminding myself of where I’m coming from, and where I’m going. Where I’m at is just another step along the way. Also, weed helps. A lot. 

I’m working on myself as I work on everything else, per usual. I feel better. 

It’s a lot going on, a lot I could be distracted by .. I’m focused though. I love that even my distractions are still things pertaining to me and my goal, it’s just the timing of the thought or act is not in alignment with what I’m doing right now. What needs to be tended to now, has to be the focus, to make what is attempting to distract me, no longer that. 

Distractions are funny though, we choose what we allow to distract us.. So in a sense, our attention level of energy that we refuse to use for the task at hand yet so helplessly wander over to something that’s for next month. 
Is it that we deem the distraction more important, bc it’s not the task at hand?  The task at hand seems done as you get through it so you allow yourself to be side tracked? Is a distraction merely a revelation? Only we know for ourselves. 

I say all that to say this, 

The thought is just a thought until desire makes it an action.

You are your desires. 

Are you focused? Are you doing what you desire? If not, what’s distracting you? Are you taking the steps needed to live the lifestyle you deeply desire? 

You know what time I’m on .. I wish you all many blessings I know you feel the shift as well. Act acccordingly. 

Shit real. 
Ps. If you are in the NYC area, March 24th stop on by my reading #LustHearIt we will read from 12:24am and discuss the concept of time and personal experiences and opinions on the content of the collection.. More info and RSVP link below 

#LUSTHEARiTRSVP

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Sweetheart,

We hardly talk, I’ve been doing my thang… I know I’ve been foul baby, ay bay, lately you’ve been all on my brain … Yes Ye.

Helllo WordPress. I’ve been running, and while I have the clarity I might as well speak as I catch my second wind.

Time has always been my teacher, I’m always fascinated at the lessons, homework, tests and experiences time provides me with.

Time is relative. To everything.

Read that twice, maybe three times if you have to.

I’m learning what time means to me in spirit, is different from what it means to me in flesh….. Which explains my wisdom. Physically not much time has gone by, I’m only 24…. But my soul and mind has experienced eternities I could never put into words. 

What does this mean?

Everything and nothing.

When I realized how time differs internally and externally…. I started moving different….I’m a bit faster… But I gotta catch my breath. I gotta let time keep up with me just as much as I’m keeping up with it.

Its confusing at first but the deeper you play with time, reflecting on past, present and future.. Living, reliving and analyzing… Taking note of it all, shit starts to click.

Its a pattern.

We as humans become so emotionally invested in each interaction with time … We become so engulfed in the experience we don’t pay attention to what’s important…

The fact that its happening. Whether good or bad. It’s happening. It happened. We get so worked up with WHY is this happening, when why is ALWAYS revealed later, when the timing is right …. Correct me if I’m wrong.

What’s important is, how is this happening to me? …. What is exactly happening ? Who did I give the power to make this happen? … And apply that to past experiences, you know so clearly now. Apply that to current ones, your perspective automatically changes…. When you rephrase your questioning of time’s circumstantial placement for you… You see more why than if you literally asked why? …. Like a teacher, time gonna show you how, who, what and where, … Why is all of the above. That’s why.

That’s really why.

We go through shit because we have to … Its apart of our journey, our path to wherever our soul desires. Time is what we make it, to measure it is cutting it short.

We focus on the wrong things..

Time is a teacher, who doesn’t cater to our childish tendencies… Stern with discipline to master patience… Wisdom is only attained with experience… Time provides you with every experience you NEED to better you…. How fucking lucky are we really?? We just think of what we want to, learn, embody … Life will call on time…. And walllllllahhh BOOM! You got it. The people, the scenery, the ambience requi(red) to make this moment here, possible. All you have to do is LIVE THROUGH IT.

Bitch, you better get the fucking jewels.

TIME NOT FUCKING AROUND.

the finals come sooner than you think, and the test will be your life…. How well will you know it? What will you have to show for it?

Don’t get caught slipping, they don’t want you to value time and all its lessons.

Shit real… And I’m just rambling.

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The Waiting Game.

Does waiting really make us better people? ..

Is uncertainty a cause for wanting to wait?

While we await the New Year, let’s think of why we wait….
Is it for our own good or out of our own fear?

Yes. At times you will have to wait, but there is no doubt in that.

In moments that we feel we can’t wait and we do, we fuck ourselves over.

If you can not wait, don’t.

If you must wait, you will.

I think of the projects I released this year alone, and of the timing, process and result of each one.

I’m content with each one although, in retrospect I could’ve done each better, but that’s life. Only after do you see what more could have been done..

See if I had waited to release my projects they would’ve consumed my focus and hinde(red) my process. I would’ve been so persistent on “perfecting” the art, instead of the process.

To perfect the process you have to keep doing shit as you feel it. You learn so much of yourself every single trip to creation land.. Allowing you to progress and execute more efficiently each time.

Waiting is vital, but knowing when to execute regardless of time is key.

I don’t want to play with waiting when I don’t have to, and I won’t. I know myself enough to differentiate when I have to wait and when I’m being hesitant.

Keeping in mind, time waits for no man…

What are YOU waiting for?

If you’re waiting, are you still making the moves needed to occupy the wait time in the most progressive manner?

Just something to think about.

We’ll meet again next year

Be safe.

Shit real .

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Hateful 8….

8 days left of the year……..
Are you ready for the grand finale?

Side note: watch hateful 8 again.

Shit real motherfuckers!

While the holidays creep up on us, and this NYC weather is scarily warning us for the winter ahead… I want to reflect, per usual.

2015 was such a great year for me for many reasons….

I went through serious life expanding motions.

I took more risks.

I met creative deadlines.

I learned so much.

I grew through mistakes.

Its funny to me how in the moment I’m absorbing more than I’m observing my own actions… I really move on my feelings but I don’t move emotionally. I’m very methodic. Its evident in retrospect and this year has highlighted the methods behind the madness.

I gotten deeper in my feelings… Which is awesome. So fucking great to be understanding of what it is I deeply feel and using that knowledge pai(red) with logic to progress my self development.

In the next 8 days I have two projects I’ll be releasing. I’m very anxious about that being that I am so excited to share these two completely different vibes.

12/24/15-12:24am

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An erotic poetry collection poems/ poetic short tales surrounding the depths of time.

12/31/15 – 24 for 24: Year of the Muse

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Short film highlighting my spoken word album about the muse behind it all. 

Check for those on LustyinLavender.com

I consider 2015 to be my freshman year… I am in school again, but this time around, I’m a student at Life university with my craft as my major and a minor in humanity.

That being said, this is the final.
8 days I’ll get the grade…

My sophomore will be vicious, my freshman certainly wasn’t friendly…

I’m focused mannnnn 🙂

Shit real.

The Olympics games are now: your progress is preserved or wrecked in a single moment.

There’s no reason to fear anything let alone failure, way I see it… You can always make it right by doing something better.

Don’t sweat small shit when you know you’re destined for greatness.

As long as you don’t stop.

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Visuals part 7

“I FOUND IT!” bursting through the door, and halting dead in my tracks..

I finally found it.

She stares up from her book, and smiles, – well, right on time… what did you find?

“I found whats wrong, in me that wasn’t allowing me to commit… in all aspects of life.”

now this caught her attention I saw her ears perk up, its been some time, yet again, since I’ve come to see her.. no surprise to her, I put the consistent in, ‘inconsistent’ when it comes to sticking to things.. ‘always one to walk away aren’t you?’ she was never a liar or one to sugar coat, which is one of the main reasons, like a stray I always find my way back,..since I’m here now.. lets dig.

she begins to roll up, which is my cue to start breaking shit down.. “are you interested or committed?, do you know the difference?…. – Yes. “see, I’ve never thought of the difference until I heard that. It blew my mind… all this time I’ve been interested, not committed.. obvious when I self reflect in that mindset.”

– how is this discovery changing you? *lights blunt*

“I can spot easily in others when they are interested, and not committed, although I’ve never worded it that way, I could always tell. But I assumed all my interests were a commitment, and they weren’t. Just because I am not easily intrigued, which is another thing… interest or intrigue, commitment makes the difference. I am interested in many things, but intrigued by few… that applies to all aspects in my life, I can’t turn a corner without the reminder in my face, and I cant help but think, was I avoiding it all before? how did I not notice, I notice everything else.” noticing her motion to pass the blunt as well, I exhaled as I caught my breath with rapid wind.. dragging a deep pull to help unwind even further as she begins to wind me up …

– Bravo! I was waiting for that.. Didn’t take as long as I thought it would, you must be living a little more now huh? (I nod and laugh, exhaling blue dream clouds)… she continues, what many fail to realize is that commitment goes deeper than relationships and responsibilities, we have a commitment to ourselves, our desires, thoughts, etc… we are not as committed as we should be. We are not taught that directly.We are taught to put the commitments we have for others and our lifestyle which interlocks with others before our own inner responsibilities. which in turn is how shift blaming is even a reality.

“YES! this is where I cracked, I’m all for self accountability, so when I caught myself blaming others, dug deeper and discove(red) that it wasn’t the people I was blaming, my choices are fully mine. It was my commitment to them that was the driving force behind my choices that upset me. my commitments were in the wrong places, I felt obligated to things and people I have no real intrigue for… interest is not enough. I can see it now, I always felt, just never knew how to express it until now. its so liberating..”

– I’m so proud of you, and excited to see where you take this insight.. I must say, your growth is impressive, but remember to remind yourself, take it easy.. you learn everything as you are suppose to learn it. Don’t doubt the lessons, don’t doubt your knowledge. most importantly don’t doubt the vibes that lead you to it all, for your vibes are from your core, and you should NEVER doubt that.

I thank her for those words of encouragement, we proceed to get even higher and discuss more in depth whats been going on since our last session.. She must have missed me, she pointed out how this was the longest I’ve been away.. and opened up to me about her marriage. [I didn’t even know she was married] how she once had problems committing, for her interests never fooled her, she claims this is what we both have in common ‘alert little spirits we are’ .. Her and her husband had a relationship that truly make Carrie & Big’s relationship look like a fairy tale, shit she left him at the alter.. shit is real. married 23 years in a few months.. damn.

“when did you know, for good?” – I always knew, I knew from the moment I saw him, he was worth it.. It just took me some time to become worth it for him… and by that I mean, being someone that he can completely grow with, be 100% committed to him, and vice versa. You learn though, commitment is a two way street, give and take, that’s what strengthens it. Solidifies it even. He was worth the risks, the scares of opening up and all the rain that made our sun shine so bright in paradise.. in essence, looking back, we were meant for each other all along, I never had to change a thing, maturity revealed we were what was best. There’s no way you can’t commit to that… Keeping in mind, things take time, time reveals all. All I ask of you, don’t fight what you feel inside, I know you recently made choices as you’ve mentioned, to cut the negative commitments from your life, and for that I applaud you.. now go commit to something real. something you can call your own.

As we toasted to the pep talk of the century, to me atleast. I soaked in all the vibes I felt from our talk and washed it down with some champagne, she felt this was indeed a celebration… anytime her patients cut the shackles she treats it like the highest achievement possible, and I suppose it is, to be free, to find and attain the power to rid yourself of anything or one that weighs you down.. even if it means getting rid of things you consider to make you, you. your aim should be to be the best you possible, no?

Shit real, that was another meeting, and I decided that would be one of my new commitments.

VIsuals 1-3 , Visuals 4-

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