Hey high. 

It’s been a while… I’ve thought of you often… it’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I just don’t know where to start… what to leave out. 

Shit is real. Yeah I’m high as shit… regular.. I’m more open though, I’m very happy with how open I’ve become and how much has opened up for me as I continue on this path of mine. 
I’m in a pretty fucking great space internally… new grounds that I’m eagerly exploring, revealing the growth from where I once fea(red) my unknown potential…
See you are all you think you are, yet that’s not ALL you are… you are more. Way more than you can envision for yourself at this point in time… 

“Don’t be patient, be satisfied.” — to be patient means you’re waiting, and on your journey motion is constant… to ignore the motions will always make you feel like a patient in a waiting room. Pay attention, be satisfied knowing the signs are revealing how all you desire and work towards are unfolding for you in ways you couldn’t imagine… twice as better, you get to see it come to fruition, what are you waiting for exactly?  
Keep Calm, it’s all working out perfectly. 

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Vibe.

Word to the magazine, shit real.

Sept about to be over, damn. NYE right there….

Let me tell you how I feel about vibes, since I take it so seriously, I’ve been thinking…. As I’ve been feeling. I aim for understanding. Fuck what you heard, my only goal is to understand. Myself especially. Ever growing being. Gotta be on point.

As kids, we react off vibes with the interactions of others because we can’t speak.. We are very intuitive when we can’t speak because we are absorbing the energy being passed to us, or surrounding us… As means to understand what’s going on for real.

I feel so childish sometimes, as eloquent as I am, sometimes I can’t speak…. Or I don’t want to speak, and I don’t even know why in those moments.

Well how you don’t know why? Aren’t you in tune?

Yeah, that’s why, I know the feeling I’ve felt, but don’t know exactly why I’m feeling it THIS TIME AROUND… Until after it passes.

See I’m aware of time’s factor in vibes.. And well as every other variable. Things don’t happen the exact same way. Ever. Even if you get another crack at it, it will never be EXACTLY like the last time. You gotta keep that in mind.

Vibes tell you things that can’t be spoken …. After you absorb everything and its settled, then the words come to you as clear as shit. But in the moment of absorption, I feel its not wise to speak…. You’re still feeling. Wait. Let it sink in uninterrupted.

Your words send out vibrations that may throw off what’s happening at the moment and you fuck up the message the universe was trying to send to you.

Relax.

Feel it out.

Right now, I’m going through some weird ass motion, I can’t speak too much because I’m absorbing. I’m only speaking out loud of what I want, not what I’m feeling or think I know because I don’t know shit… I’m learning.

And as I allow my inner being to guide me, I’m grateful for what I’m learning as I go along… Shit really be clicking.

Vibes don’t lie. People do.

Lies takes up too much time, I don’t have time for that…

You have to be honest with yourself, all your circumstances and relationships … Don’t lie to yourself about how you feel, and WHY you feel that way.

Ride the vibe and act accordingly.

Shit real.

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Counting $igns.

I’ve been counting, counting up the time left.. Counting down all the time that has passed.. I’ve been counting on people, when I really shouldn’t (not bc of the person, but bc of what it is I was counting on them for..) I’ve been counting up the signs… But I feel my math is off, I’ve never been too good with that .. I think I’ve been adding and subtracting when I should be multiplying and dividing.. I have all the correct variables.. But the answers from my mental equations aren’t adding up to what it should be…. So, what am I doing wrong?

Ultimately I blame myself for everything, whether it was directly my fault or not, it’s still falling on me .. If indirectly, I allowed it, if directly I created it.

I have to be honest with myself… At all times.

I’ve been catching the signs and they are bright and clear as a beautiful spring day… With a fresh breeze, providing clarity to my clouded mind: I have to switch it up…

I’m very stubborn. This is a problem. I’m working on it, so I’m not worried, but I’m focused on minimizing this as quickly as possible. I don’t want to be so stuck in my ways that I can’t see that the way I choose to do things doesn’t work for everything. I have to tailor everything to fit each task as it is… Not as I see it should be, not as I want it to be when I know it’s not like that… Of course, I can alter tasks once I conquer them but I have to treat them like a great teacher does her students; everyone gets specialized attention and customized for the individual.

This is a challenge on its own, but I’m up for it… I’m very flawed, I’m the furthest thing from perfect like everyone I know (Thank you, Drake.. Thank you) my view of perfection is just owning and slaying everything that crosses my path in a positive and beneficial manner.

I realize my setbacks and I realized before that, that this will be one hell of a challenge battling them all… I just have to take it one challenge at a time, zoning in and intensifying my focus.

I’m transforming my weaknesses into strengths… Strengths into superpowers. One step at a time.

I feel detached, I feel alone, not lonely… But alone. I don’t feel I can talk to anyone freely, I can’t express myself how I want bc the little I do express, I’m not understood.. (Maybe my vagueness is a factor) It’s not that the people around can’t grasp what it is I’m feeling, it’s just they don’t see what I see, how I see it… Very few can see what’s not there, many have different desires from mine, different interests… Our concerns do not match up, so sure I can spill my soul to my loved ones and they’ll try to empathize .. But it’s not to the core, so it’s no good for me, sure I have ears I can speak to that I know will listen, but there’s no relation.. I don’t want to vent, I want answers… Answers I can only find within myself.

And that’s one of the biggest reasons why I write, (I keep a journal for the more personal private thoughts) I share these thoughts on this blog bc in speaking to you, the reader, I’m speaking to myself.. And if you can relate to the core, the way certain blogs posts touch me to my core, and spark up thoughts that becomes answers to questions I felt but never formed the correct way to ask.. Then I’m helping, and that’s all I want. To help. Helping myself to help others.. A chain reaction.

As the new year approaches and the current year comes to an end.. Now is the best time to reflect in retrospect.. Internally, externally, surroundings.. We must remind ourselves of our purpose, in detail… We must remind ourselves who we are, even if we aren’t them yet.. The design we’ve been molding is shaping, be aware of that.. Remind ourselves of how far we’ve come and how much farther we have to go, and to fight any negativity with positivity. That’s the only way to prosper in longevity.

I’m not counting anymore… I’m just going to tally it up when it’s all said and done, I have a lot of work to do… Time is a factor, but I’m not counting it anymore. I’m just doing what I need to do, to get shit done.

I have to give every new approach my all… This is all I have left.

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