Lights. 

It’s late, or early depending on if you slept. 

It’s been a minute and I’ve even neglected my diary. Shame on me. 

I’ve been living though. That’s for sure. 

Moving and grooving.. Shit is real. 

Loving how I act accordingly regardless.

What I want to say is this: 

DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. 

GO AFTER WHAT YOU FEEL YOU WANT.

Don’t forget to think for yourself. 
I’m loving how well I’m catching the signs and running these plays. I wish I could say more, but I’ve said enough. 

June almost over.. The intermission we call summer no excuse to slack off, if anything it’s even more imperative that we go even harder. 
Shit real but y’all know that. 

I turned 25 on the 10th.. Here’s Quarter Century. Take a listen. 

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Woooo! 

K lo k, dimelo.. Wass happenin? 

Shit real or nah? 

You know it is. 

5 planets in retrograde, so the energy is definitely different.. The orbit of our solar system affect us directly in multiple ways.. Many of us are dumb to think we are above the orbit. Smh we are orbits… Funny how sometimes we go into our own personal retrograde, shit gets real then. And shit real now. 

I’m feeling good though, continuing to test out theories and push my progression. 

I love that I am able to be completely honest with myself even when that means revealing how I am wrong. That’s right to me! To face the error in your ways, despite it proving you were deluded or wrong, makes you right. You know this. 

Act accordingly. 

We do not have to explain ourselves to anyone verbally, we must however always explain in action. Action is what seals right and wrong. Progressive or destructive. 

We must be impeccable with our word, our daily word. 

You don’t keep your word, you lied. 

We can’t tell these form of lies, which in turn weaken our power. We speak of things we don’t ACT on. When your actions speak for you, why talk? Stfu. 

Shut up. Just keep moving. Say less. 

Do more. 

24hours in a day, 168 in a week… How you breaking it up? 

See halftime coming, and shit is clicking. Half of the year will be up… What have you done? What are you doing? What the fuck are you waiting for? 

Remind yourself what it is you want, who it is you are. 

Who you want to be is who you are, the only thing stopping you is who you are today.. Levels to fruition with desire. Stop doubting yourself. 

Literally you have nothing to lose! Nothing!! Worst case scenario you fall short? You’re one step closer. Best case scenario, you’re further than you envisioned. 

Ask yourself, guide yourself. Consult with yourself. You deserve to enjoy the life you live. Get your shit together, mind your business and stay hydrated. 

Summer approaches us, another season.. 

You become what you think about, what’s really on your mind?? 

Sidebar: dweling on your “misfortunes” is a waste of time after the lesson is learned, half of that lesson is ALWAYS, move on, it could’ve been worse. Be grateful to experience the pain.. As odd as that may sound, to feel is a blessing and the pain is just a price we pay in exchange for all the joy and bliss we do experience.. The calm and peace are cherished because of chaos and desperation.. Keep that in mind. Life will never be fair in the way we want it, life is fair by not caring at all. It’s going to happen, whether it’s pleasurable or painful. Accepting that eases the confusion and saves you time. Take the gems, keep going. Time is a factor. Moving forward is a must. 

Shit real… I got work to do. 

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March MADNESS! 

I am in great spirit. I know you can feeeeeel the vibes. 

First quarter was a bit rough, had to come to terms and flex a bit on a few aspects of my life. I withdrew from everything and dug deeper than the last time.. 

I am now ready for this second quarter. 

We are in March. 

March – April – May 

June is half time.  (6/12)

The irony that it’s also my birthday. 

(25 on the 10th) 

Shit is real. 

The first quarter help prep me for this second coming of Cris* it has already started off smoothly, and will continue to roll out as such. I’m taking a trip this week, and it will be everything I need. 

I’m so aware, it’s nerve wrecking. I’m calming myself and maintaining that sense of cool.. By reminding myself of where I’m coming from, and where I’m going. Where I’m at is just another step along the way. Also, weed helps. A lot. 

I’m working on myself as I work on everything else, per usual. I feel better. 

It’s a lot going on, a lot I could be distracted by .. I’m focused though. I love that even my distractions are still things pertaining to me and my goal, it’s just the timing of the thought or act is not in alignment with what I’m doing right now. What needs to be tended to now, has to be the focus, to make what is attempting to distract me, no longer that. 

Distractions are funny though, we choose what we allow to distract us.. So in a sense, our attention level of energy that we refuse to use for the task at hand yet so helplessly wander over to something that’s for next month. 
Is it that we deem the distraction more important, bc it’s not the task at hand?  The task at hand seems done as you get through it so you allow yourself to be side tracked? Is a distraction merely a revelation? Only we know for ourselves. 

I say all that to say this, 

The thought is just a thought until desire makes it an action.

You are your desires. 

Are you focused? Are you doing what you desire? If not, what’s distracting you? Are you taking the steps needed to live the lifestyle you deeply desire? 

You know what time I’m on .. I wish you all many blessings I know you feel the shift as well. Act acccordingly. 

Shit real. 
Ps. If you are in the NYC area, March 24th stop on by my reading #LustHearIt we will read from 12:24am and discuss the concept of time and personal experiences and opinions on the content of the collection.. More info and RSVP link below 

#LUSTHEARiTRSVP

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The Waiting Game.

Does waiting really make us better people? ..

Is uncertainty a cause for wanting to wait?

While we await the New Year, let’s think of why we wait….
Is it for our own good or out of our own fear?

Yes. At times you will have to wait, but there is no doubt in that.

In moments that we feel we can’t wait and we do, we fuck ourselves over.

If you can not wait, don’t.

If you must wait, you will.

I think of the projects I released this year alone, and of the timing, process and result of each one.

I’m content with each one although, in retrospect I could’ve done each better, but that’s life. Only after do you see what more could have been done..

See if I had waited to release my projects they would’ve consumed my focus and hinde(red) my process. I would’ve been so persistent on “perfecting” the art, instead of the process.

To perfect the process you have to keep doing shit as you feel it. You learn so much of yourself every single trip to creation land.. Allowing you to progress and execute more efficiently each time.

Waiting is vital, but knowing when to execute regardless of time is key.

I don’t want to play with waiting when I don’t have to, and I won’t. I know myself enough to differentiate when I have to wait and when I’m being hesitant.

Keeping in mind, time waits for no man…

What are YOU waiting for?

If you’re waiting, are you still making the moves needed to occupy the wait time in the most progressive manner?

Just something to think about.

We’ll meet again next year

Be safe.

Shit real .

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Visuals part 7

“I FOUND IT!” bursting through the door, and halting dead in my tracks..

I finally found it.

She stares up from her book, and smiles, – well, right on time… what did you find?

“I found whats wrong, in me that wasn’t allowing me to commit… in all aspects of life.”

now this caught her attention I saw her ears perk up, its been some time, yet again, since I’ve come to see her.. no surprise to her, I put the consistent in, ‘inconsistent’ when it comes to sticking to things.. ‘always one to walk away aren’t you?’ she was never a liar or one to sugar coat, which is one of the main reasons, like a stray I always find my way back,..since I’m here now.. lets dig.

she begins to roll up, which is my cue to start breaking shit down.. “are you interested or committed?, do you know the difference?…. – Yes. “see, I’ve never thought of the difference until I heard that. It blew my mind… all this time I’ve been interested, not committed.. obvious when I self reflect in that mindset.”

– how is this discovery changing you? *lights blunt*

“I can spot easily in others when they are interested, and not committed, although I’ve never worded it that way, I could always tell. But I assumed all my interests were a commitment, and they weren’t. Just because I am not easily intrigued, which is another thing… interest or intrigue, commitment makes the difference. I am interested in many things, but intrigued by few… that applies to all aspects in my life, I can’t turn a corner without the reminder in my face, and I cant help but think, was I avoiding it all before? how did I not notice, I notice everything else.” noticing her motion to pass the blunt as well, I exhaled as I caught my breath with rapid wind.. dragging a deep pull to help unwind even further as she begins to wind me up …

– Bravo! I was waiting for that.. Didn’t take as long as I thought it would, you must be living a little more now huh? (I nod and laugh, exhaling blue dream clouds)… she continues, what many fail to realize is that commitment goes deeper than relationships and responsibilities, we have a commitment to ourselves, our desires, thoughts, etc… we are not as committed as we should be. We are not taught that directly.We are taught to put the commitments we have for others and our lifestyle which interlocks with others before our own inner responsibilities. which in turn is how shift blaming is even a reality.

“YES! this is where I cracked, I’m all for self accountability, so when I caught myself blaming others, dug deeper and discove(red) that it wasn’t the people I was blaming, my choices are fully mine. It was my commitment to them that was the driving force behind my choices that upset me. my commitments were in the wrong places, I felt obligated to things and people I have no real intrigue for… interest is not enough. I can see it now, I always felt, just never knew how to express it until now. its so liberating..”

– I’m so proud of you, and excited to see where you take this insight.. I must say, your growth is impressive, but remember to remind yourself, take it easy.. you learn everything as you are suppose to learn it. Don’t doubt the lessons, don’t doubt your knowledge. most importantly don’t doubt the vibes that lead you to it all, for your vibes are from your core, and you should NEVER doubt that.

I thank her for those words of encouragement, we proceed to get even higher and discuss more in depth whats been going on since our last session.. She must have missed me, she pointed out how this was the longest I’ve been away.. and opened up to me about her marriage. [I didn’t even know she was married] how she once had problems committing, for her interests never fooled her, she claims this is what we both have in common ‘alert little spirits we are’ .. Her and her husband had a relationship that truly make Carrie & Big’s relationship look like a fairy tale, shit she left him at the alter.. shit is real. married 23 years in a few months.. damn.

“when did you know, for good?” – I always knew, I knew from the moment I saw him, he was worth it.. It just took me some time to become worth it for him… and by that I mean, being someone that he can completely grow with, be 100% committed to him, and vice versa. You learn though, commitment is a two way street, give and take, that’s what strengthens it. Solidifies it even. He was worth the risks, the scares of opening up and all the rain that made our sun shine so bright in paradise.. in essence, looking back, we were meant for each other all along, I never had to change a thing, maturity revealed we were what was best. There’s no way you can’t commit to that… Keeping in mind, things take time, time reveals all. All I ask of you, don’t fight what you feel inside, I know you recently made choices as you’ve mentioned, to cut the negative commitments from your life, and for that I applaud you.. now go commit to something real. something you can call your own.

As we toasted to the pep talk of the century, to me atleast. I soaked in all the vibes I felt from our talk and washed it down with some champagne, she felt this was indeed a celebration… anytime her patients cut the shackles she treats it like the highest achievement possible, and I suppose it is, to be free, to find and attain the power to rid yourself of anything or one that weighs you down.. even if it means getting rid of things you consider to make you, you. your aim should be to be the best you possible, no?

Shit real, that was another meeting, and I decided that would be one of my new commitments.

VIsuals 1-3 , Visuals 4-

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Vibe.

Word to the magazine, shit real.

Sept about to be over, damn. NYE right there….

Let me tell you how I feel about vibes, since I take it so seriously, I’ve been thinking…. As I’ve been feeling. I aim for understanding. Fuck what you heard, my only goal is to understand. Myself especially. Ever growing being. Gotta be on point.

As kids, we react off vibes with the interactions of others because we can’t speak.. We are very intuitive when we can’t speak because we are absorbing the energy being passed to us, or surrounding us… As means to understand what’s going on for real.

I feel so childish sometimes, as eloquent as I am, sometimes I can’t speak…. Or I don’t want to speak, and I don’t even know why in those moments.

Well how you don’t know why? Aren’t you in tune?

Yeah, that’s why, I know the feeling I’ve felt, but don’t know exactly why I’m feeling it THIS TIME AROUND… Until after it passes.

See I’m aware of time’s factor in vibes.. And well as every other variable. Things don’t happen the exact same way. Ever. Even if you get another crack at it, it will never be EXACTLY like the last time. You gotta keep that in mind.

Vibes tell you things that can’t be spoken …. After you absorb everything and its settled, then the words come to you as clear as shit. But in the moment of absorption, I feel its not wise to speak…. You’re still feeling. Wait. Let it sink in uninterrupted.

Your words send out vibrations that may throw off what’s happening at the moment and you fuck up the message the universe was trying to send to you.

Relax.

Feel it out.

Right now, I’m going through some weird ass motion, I can’t speak too much because I’m absorbing. I’m only speaking out loud of what I want, not what I’m feeling or think I know because I don’t know shit… I’m learning.

And as I allow my inner being to guide me, I’m grateful for what I’m learning as I go along… Shit really be clicking.

Vibes don’t lie. People do.

Lies takes up too much time, I don’t have time for that…

You have to be honest with yourself, all your circumstances and relationships … Don’t lie to yourself about how you feel, and WHY you feel that way.

Ride the vibe and act accordingly.

Shit real.

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Structure. 

The month of July is over..

4th quarter is here. 2016 countdown starts now. 

I think about structure and how that in itself is structu(red) and how society and our surroundings/influences create the outlines on how our structure should be built, and sustained…. If we allow that. 

Now, I say that to say this, all my life I’ve been looking for a structure that fits me, a structure that can sustain my ever growing foundation and allow me to grow and prosper as I am meant to do. But the problem with that is, I’m already complex, and a lot of social structures (the forms of it we are exposed to anyway) are one sided, one dimensional (ironically contradicting the definition of structure but I digress).. And that’s not going to EVER work for me. For I am not one sided. Never have never will. Now that I see that clear as day, I move on to think of the ideal structure for me, using multiple aspects of several structures I already explo(red)/studied to create that.

What amazes me most about my mind, is that if I can’t find it, I will search for ways to create it. You can’t tell me something doesn’t exist, no matter how true it may be at that moment; it’s only a matter of time, thought, and execution to make it a reality. 

It’s a long journey I’m on and to save me from insanity and stagnancy I have to switch it up, I feel like consistently altering back and forth in many different ways that still prove to be very efficient is perfect for me. I get bo(red) doing the same thing over and over which in turn decreases the level of energy I put into it. But as long as the end result is at 100 how I go about it doesn’t have to be the same all the way through. All that matter is the level of effort and work put into it remains the same. No matter what that is.

I’m getting close! Goddamn it I’m almost there! It’s such a good feeling. I’m pushing through and as these next 4 months are my witnesses, I’ll reveal more. 

I just want to get it right for me. 

In getting it right I can do more, say more, help more. And that’s all I ever want. 

24 for 24. 

I’m 24 years old, with 24 hours in a day to make mine as I wish it to be. 

You have the same 24 hours, the same 4 months before this year is up. 

Instead of thinking of all you can’t do, all the time you don’t have.. Look at these next few months at all you can do, all the time you have on your hands. And play with the structure of your life, break your months down and set your goals and go for it. Really go for it!

I mean you have nothing to lose. 

Worse case scenario: you’re one step closer to realizing your goals. 

Best case scenario: your goals are now reality. 
Shit real. 

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